


Draco and Harry in a Group Chat

by lemmaammel



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Alternate Universe - Boarding School, Alternate Universe - Non-Magical, Enemies to Lovers, Fluff, Gay, M/M, Texting
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-07
Updated: 2020-07-19
Packaged: 2021-03-01 21:28:05
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 13
Words: 22,592
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23523829
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lemmaammel/pseuds/lemmaammel
Summary: What happens when Draco and Harry are in a group chat together? Chaos and fighting, and just maybe a little more...(this fic is purely texting)PUT ON HOLD AS OF 8/5/20 (i am so sorry)
Relationships: Draco Malfoy & Pansy Parkinson, Draco Malfoy & Pansy Parkinson & Blaise Zabini, Draco Malfoy/Harry Potter, Hermione Granger & Harry Potter & Ron Weasley, Hermione Granger & Pansy Parkinson, Hermione Granger/Ron Weasley
Comments: 86
Kudos: 192





	1. Draco's Purple Scarf

~~~(chapter 1)~~~

(this is a non-magical au that takes place at a large boarding school)

*Hermione and Ron are sitting together at a table in the library. Harry is on the other side of the room, waiting in a line to check out his book.*

(~trio~, ronaldduck, mione, boy, 12:31pm, 4/10/2020)

ronaldduck: harry stop staring at malfoy

ronaldduck: we know his eyes are perpetually demonic

ronaldduck: but stop staring

boy: shut up ron

ronaldduck: mione see how i used perpetually and demonic

ronaldduck: im learning

mione: so proud

mione: but really harry

ronaldduck: mate we can see you looking from across the library

boy: hes wearing a purple scarf

mione: alert the authorities

boy: its like periwinkle

mione: oh god anything but PERIWINKLE

boy: but mione

boy: hes never worn a purple scarf before

mione: *sigh*

ronaldduck: *yawn*

mione: i’m sure he’s wearing one with the sole purpose of tormenting you

boy: he’s ALWAYS trying to torment me

ronaldduck: hes not lying

mione: actually

mione: we’ve been talking lately

mione: like having civil conversations

ronaldduck: wHAT

mione: it’s nice to have academic parlay

mione: with people who care for the art of discussion

ronaldduck: wHAT

ronaldduck: trAITOR

boy: but hes malfoy

mione: i call him draco

ronaldduck: you BITCH

mione: what did you just call me?

ronaldduck: ohgodohgod harry how do i take it back ohgodohgod

boy: wait mione isnt malfoy awful tho

mione: my boyfriend calls me a bitch

mione: i have low standards

ronaldduck: im sorry babe im sorry

ronaldduck: ohgodohgod

mione: and draco really isn’t horrible

mione: he’s pretentious and a bit harsh

ronaldduck: aka horrible

mione: but he’s clever and the top of our grade

boy: he punched me!

ronaldduck: yeah he punched harry

mione: okay fine he’s a bit defensive

ronaldduck: of his ego!

mione: you’re a bigoted idiot

boy: ron did you seriously just punch her

boy: im hoping my eyes deceived me

mione: see. you punched me

mione: in defense of your ego

ronaldduck: it was more of a nudge

ronaldduck: a loving nudge

mione: whatever

mione: and anyways, harry retaliated

boy: he punched me first!

ronaldduck: yeah!

ronaldduck: we hate malfoy

mione: well, i don’t

boy: hes my rival hermione

ronaldduck: you cant be friends with the enemy

ronaldduck: unless youre a spy

ronaldduck: actually… you could be a spy

mione: this rivalry is just so immature, harry

mione: it was fine when we were 5

mione: we’re in 12th grade

boy: it’s just that i like being his enemy and i like fighting with him

mione: why not just like HIM

boy: because hes malfoy

ronaldduck: ok mione lets say that harry and malfoy became bffs or whatever

mione: actually i think you both could get along really well ;)

boy: shut uppppppp

mione: “his scarf i just can’t look away oh malfoy you just look so dashing in purple”

boy: malfoy isnt even gay mione

ronaldduck: but anyways lets say they became bffs

ronaldduck: we would have to be friends with parkinson

mione: i would expect you to be diplomatic 

ronaldduck: and zabini

mione: i presume that you’re capable of remaining civil in the presence of blaise as well

boy: its mutual tho malfoy hates me too

boy: im not delusional

mione: harry you’re still staring at him

boy: hes wearing a purple scarf

mione: that’s been established

*Hermione, Ron, and Harry are all in their separate rooms.*

(~trio~, ronaldduck, mione, boy, 8:14pm, 4/10/2020)

boy: i HATE malfoy

mione: i HATE people who hold grudges for 12 years

ronaldduck: i HATE mayonaise

mione: *sigh*

boy: im partners with him for science fair project

boy: he wants to do it on transmutation

boy: and particle acceleration

mione: i would love to be partners with draco

boy: i asked him for his number so we could communicate about the project

mione: smooth ;)

boy: and he told me that our relationship wasn’t ever going to be at that level

ronaldduck: rejection is hard

boy: and then he said that it wasnt me it was my face and personality

boy: and he ignored me for the rest of class

mione: relationship goals

boy: HES NOT GAY

ronaldduck: mate he wore a purple scarf today

ronaldduck: shitty people can be gay too

boy: ugjhghgdshqdgjkbfkjhdhb

boy: oops typo i meant to say

boy: ugjhghgdshqdgjkbfkjhdab

mione: anyway

mione: i’m paired with neville

boy: ahajkjdwhjsnfhjksdhjhbjhdsdfgfd

boy: istg my teacher HATES me

boy: EVERYONE knows malfoy and i are rivals

ronaldduck: respect the rivalry

boy: EXACTLY

mione: draco will just do the project for you

mione: you’re basically guaranteed an a so stop complaining

ronaldduck: mione theres a 50% chance one of them wont make it out alive

mione: stop being dramatic

mione: it’s just a blond boy with a purple scarf

mione: and even if he’s not gay

mione: you are

boy: biiiiiiiiiiii not gay

boy: wait what’s that supposed to mean

mione: he’s attractive and you’re *bi*

mione: so stop complaining

ronaldduck: HERMIONE malfoy is NOT attractive   
ronaldduck: i WILL break up with you

boy: honestly mione

boy: sure hes blond and tall and kinda hot

boy: but hes MALFOY

boy: M A L F O Y

mione: draco

ronaldduck: haha NO

mione: say it with me

mione: D

mione: R

mione: A

boy: D R A matic

boy: D R A b

boy: a D R A g

ronaldduck: i love describing malfoy

mione: i concede

mione: draco is an unredeemable human who lacks moral codes, dignity, and integrity

ronaldduck: ok now that thats settled… 

ronaldduck: im partners with hannah

boy: i hate my life

ronaldduck: like hannahs great and everything but idk i feel like were gonna fail

mione: what are you going to do your project on?

ronaldduck: ummm no idea

mione: create a computer program that generates fractals

mione: and predicts how they naturally occur

ronaldduck: wait actually?

mione: i did some research on that last semester

ronaldduck: independantly?

mione: with draco

boy: jhmgsdkjfghsgfjkgkdshgfjkdhgdkjs

(~trio~, ronaldduck, mione, boy, 9:38pm, 4/10/20)

ronaldduck: oh god harry our english paper is due on monday and its already friday oh god 

ronaldduck: mione could you help me with my english paper

mione: of course

mione: do you guys *cough cough* gays *cough cough* want to come over to my room tomorrow?

boy: im bi

ronaldduck: im straight

mione: fine

mione: get over queer tomorrow

ronaldduck: get straight over queer tomorrow

mione changed ~trio~ to ~gays~

boy changed ~gays~ to ~gays and bi~

ronaldduck changed ~gays and bi~ to ~gays and bi and straightie~

mione changed ~gays and bi and pan- to ~we’re queer and we’re here~

ronaldduck: ?

mione: i’m pan and harry’s bi

mione: and you’re an honorary queer

ronaldduck: i feel honored

boy: so we can come over tomorrow

mione: yes!

mione: i’m meeting draco for lunch at 12 to discuss on of our research projects but i’m available anytime after

ronaldduck: babe

ronaldduck: are you sure you’re not dating malfoy?

mione: i’m not convinced he’s straight

mione: you both should join us for lunch

boy: haha no

ronaldduck: haha no

mione: fine just come over after i’ll help with the essay

ronaldduck: MY QUEEN

mione: love you <3

ronaldduck: <3 <3 <3 

boy: oh god 911

boy: hes having a heart attack

ronaldduck: *silence*

mione: *silence*

boy: hahahahahahaha

ronaldduck: ok imma come over at 2 tomorrow

ronaldduck: harry dont come before 3 ;)

boy: AHHHHHHHHHHSGSGBFJFJ

mione: ron our poor harry is still innocent and young

boy: shut up

ronaldduck: shut isnt the only thing going *up* ;)

mione: please stop

boy: ^

mione: ok i’m going to sleep this is conversation is forcing me to consider my life decisions and i’m already over my existential crisis quota for this year

ronaldduck: goodnight <3

boy: gn


	2. Pansy's Reign of Terror

~~~(chapter 2)~~~

*Draco, Pansy, and Blaise are all in their seperate rooms)

(~bitches~, dramabitch, blandbitch, bitchybitch, 6:31am, 4/11/20)

bitchybitch: hiiii bitches

dramabitch: This group chat is a disaster.

bitchybitch: hahaha dramabitch living up to his name

dramabitch: I’m not the only one living up to my name.

bitchybitch: i am proud to be a bitch

bitchybitch: you cannot bitch shame me

dramabitch: Pansy, I suggest that you get out of bed, walk over to the kitchens, and shove your head in a blender.

bitchybitch: i dont think my head would fit… 

bitchybitch: i didnt want to be the one to break it to you draco

bitchybitch: but you have an unnaturally small head

dramabitch: Our friendship means nothing to me. I will not hesitate to cut all ties.

bitchybitch: love you dray

dramabitch: My name is not Dray. My name is Draco. I know that’s hard for you to process, but seeing as I pity you I feel inclined to help.

dramabitch: D. R. A. C. O.

dramabitch: Say it with me.

bitchybitch: whatever dray

dramabitch changed (bitchybitch) to (pansythepeony)

pansythepeony changed (dramabitch) to (drayyy)

drayyy changed (drayyy) to (if you mess with my name again i will kill you in cold blood)

pansythepeony changed (if you mess with my name again i will kill you in cold blood) to (dray)

dray changed (pansythepeony) to (killedincoldblood)

blandbitch: it is 6:45 in the morning 

dray: Pardon me, I forgot that 3:00 is the only respectable hour to kill in cold blood.

dray: Forgive me for my disrespect.

blandbitch: forgiven

(~bitches~, dray, blandbitch, killedincoldblood, 6:58am, 4/11/20)

blandbitch: pansy?

killedincoldblood: The account 346 associated with the name “Pansy” has been deleted 

blandbitch: times like these make me question my friendship decisions

dray: You have seen me kill in cold blood.

dray: If you continue insulting me your experiences may become firsthand.

killedincoldblood: oooohhhh i love threats!

dray: I’ve always known she couldn’t survive a minute without talking.

dray: I’ve now learned that she can’t die for a minute without talking.

blandbitch: im going back to bed

killedincoldblood changed (killedincoldblood) to (paensae)

paensae changed (drayy) to (draecoe)

paensae changed (blandbitch) to (blaeiseiaeaiea)

draecoe: This is giving me a headache.

blaeiseiaeaiea: is she going through a phase?

dracoe: From One Direction to Obsessive Username Changes: The Phases of Pansy Parkinson.

paensae: shut up

paensae changed (paensae) to (cupcakepans)

cupcakepans changed (draecoe) to (drayco)

cupcakepans changed (blaeiseiaeaiea) to (bored) 

bored: i am not awake enough to handle this

drayco: Just let her have her fantasy. This is all she has.

cupcakepans: i have something you dont

drayco: Idiocy?

drayco: An amazing blonde genius for a best friend?

bored: if you have a will to live

bored: i would like to borrow it for a while

cupcakepans: better

cupcakepans: i have a boyfriend!

bored: i am not awake enough to handle this

drayco: A WHAT?

cupcakepans: a BOYFRIEND

drayco: You’re lying.

cupcakepans: you may know him

cupcakepans: hes sort of popular

cupcakepans: his name is harry potter

bored: i will never be awake enough to handle this

drayco left ~bitches~

cupcakepans: this is why i named him dramabitch

bored: pansy youre not actually dating potter right

cupcakepans: a parkinson would never stoop so low blaise

cupcakepans: i do have standards

bored: you dated crabbe freshman year

cupcakepans: those were dark times

cupcakepans: and that was the year you gave yourself a mohawk so

bored: it was edgy 

cupcakepans: draco didnt sit with us that year

cupcakepans: remember that one time i died his hair pink when he was sleeping

cupcakepans: when he came to breakfast i saw my life flash before my eyes

bored: i had to hide all of the cutlery

cupcakepans: the worst part is that it didnt even look bad

bored: he said it made him look gay

cupcakepans: i thought gay was what he was going for

cupcakepans: and whats wrong with gay vibes

bored: that word gives me a headache

cupcakepans: vibes vibes vibes vibes vibes

(~bitches~, bored, cupcakepans, 7:26am, 4/11/20)

cupcakepans: dont leave me blaise

bored: *sigh*

cupcakepans: and even if the pink hair made him look gay

cupcakepans: it was hot

bored: fine

bored: its not like hair is a manifestation of sexuality anyway

cupcakepans: im going to start a petition for draco to dye it again

cupcakepans: lilac maybe

cupcakepans added (drayco) to ~bitches~

cupcakepans: do you prefer lilac or lavender

bored: *sigh*

bored: shes not dating potter

drayco: I don’t care.

cupcakepans: it all makes sense now

cupcakepans: you left because you “didn’t care”

drayco: I left the group chat because I didn’t care about YOU and your idiotic drama.

drayco: And lilac. Lilac is clearly the superior color.

bored: she wants to dye your hair again

cupcakepans: you would look sooooo good with purple hair

drayco: You would look sooooo good 6 feet under the ground.

cupcakepans: pleaseeeeeeeeee

drayco: The number of e’s you put changes nothing.

cupcakepans: let me think... 

bored: think carefully before you speak

bored: actually im bored go ahead

cupcakepans: if you dont let me dye your hair purple

cupcakepans: ill seduce potter

cupcakepans: for real

drayco: No. This is absolutely moronic.

cupcakepans: i thought you “didn’t care”

drayco: I don’t!

cupcakepans: then you wont mind if we date

drayco: Pansy, this won’t work.

cupcakepans: so its on?

drayco: Whatever. I don’t care.

cupcakepans: at any point you can give up and just let me dye your hair

drayco: Malfoy’s don’t give up.

bored: is this a thing now?

bored: are we all just basing all of our decisions on our last name?

cupcakepans: yes?

cupcakepans: and draco im going to need harrys number

cupcakepans: so start working on getting that

drayco: Haha no.

cupcakepans: fine ill just ask harry for his number

cupcakepans: confidence is the foundation of flirting

drayco: Seems odd that you’re single, then.

cupcakepans: you are too, sooooo

drayco: I’m single by preference.

drayco: You’re single because you dated Crabbe freshman year.

cupcakepans: IT WAS AN HONEST MISTAKE

bored: i wish i was asleep

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiiii! i hope that you're having an awesome day! if you have any comments or suggestions, i love them <3


	3. Hermione Creates a Disaster

~~~(chapter 3)~~~

(~hi?~, hermione, blaise, pansy, 7:24am, 4/12/20)

hermione: hi?

pansy: your lack of creativity for names appalls me

pansy changed (pansy) to (longingfordeath)

longingfordeath changed (blaise) to (dead)

longingfordeath changed (hermione) to (ugh)

longingfordeath changed ~hi?~ to ~why~

dead: what do you want

dead: and how do you have our numbers?

longingfordeath: oh god weve been compromised blaise

ugh: i have my ways

dead: its granger

dead: of course she has her ways

ugh: thank you, blaise

ugh: anyways, i want to start a group chat with draco

ugh: and i was wondering if you wanted to be on it

longingfordeath: draco is not yours to manipulate

dead: youre going to fake date potter to get him to dye his hair

dead: do you really think you have the authority to protect him from manipulation

ugh: what?

ugh: never mind

ugh: so you don’t want to be on the gc?

longingfordeath: no offense, but i sort of hate you

ugh: we don’t even know each other!

longingfordeath: i dont need to know you to hate you

ugh: you’re impossible!

dead: pansy

longingfordeath: blaise

dead: lets just hear what she has to say

ugh: thank you

ugh: so i want to start a group chat with draco, harry, ron, and me, and it would be great if you two would join

ugh: i think that class unity is undervalued, and we’re setting an example for the underclassmen (and women)

ugh: draco and harry are always fighting, and almost our entire class has taken sides

ugh: and i’m trying to help a gay crisis

longingfordeath: hmmm now im interested

longingfordeath: and i suppose being on a group chat with potter and draco could help me achieve my plan

dead: this is a bad idea

dead: granger dont invite pansy

longingfordeath: traitor!

ugh: it’s sort of a social experiment anyway

ugh: i wouldn’t mind some excitement

longingfordeath: see blaise

longingfordeath: im the excitement

dead: i prefer “the source of anxiety”

longingfordeath: potato potahto

longingfordeath: or should i say…

longingfordeath: potato pottato

ugh: potter jokes are the epitome of humor

dead: there are moments that i wish my username was more than just figurative

ugh: ok so do you want on the gc?

longingfordeath: fine

dead: whatever

ugh: and i don’t want to have to be the know it all you seem to have me pegged for

ugh: but i would really appreciate it if you could be civil to my friends

longingfordeath: you underestimate me granger

longingfordeath: my intent is never to antagonize

dead: that is EXACTLY what your intent is

longingfordeath: agree to disagree

dead: youve composed a PLAN to antagonize

longingfordeath: i know what i want

longingfordeath: and i want to see draco with lilac hair

(~please refrain from killing~, hermione, ron, harry, draco, pansy, blaise, 7:52am, 4/12/20)

ron changed (draco) to (malfoy)

ron changed (pansy) to (parkinson)

ron changed (blaise) to (zabini)

parkinson changed (ron) to (idiot)

hermione: it has literally been less then a minute and we’re devolving into chaos

hermione: i have already talked to pansy and blaise but… 

ron: *parkinson and zabini

hermione: i have gathered you all here to encourage class unity

hermione: we need to set an example for the rest of the school

hermione: i’m not blaming anyone but we all know that certain rivalries have great influence

parkinson: haha draco shes blaming you

hermione: it’s our last year and i thought that maybe we could put the past behind us and try to move on

hermione: i’ve created a set of rules that i’d like everyone to follow

parkinson: i start to tolerate you and you go and do this

parkinson: its almost like you want me to hate you

ron: shut up parkinson

parkinson: eloquent as ever

ron: must i repeat myself?

malfoy: Your vocabulary does appear to resemble that of an infant, so i suppose repeating yourself is necessary if you aren’t to run out of word combinations.

parkinson: *high five*

malfoy: First off, I would never participate in something as juvenile as a high five. Second, insulting Weasley speaks nothing of my distaste for you, Pansy.

parkinson: draco darling why dont you show us how to “participate” in a high five

parkinson: i wasnt aware it was an event to “participate” in

harry: does she ever stop talking

malfoy: Did Harry Potter just defend me?

harry: dont flatter yourself

malfoy: Oh, I think he did. It would be adorable if it wasn’t so revolting.

harry: i would insult you but ive seen your face and id say the joke is on you (re face)

malfoy: Ha. Ha. Ha.

harry: laughing is the most common defense mechanism

malfoy: I would argue idiocy is the most common defense mechanism.

malfoy: It explains your constant levels of defense.

parkinson: watch as harry and draco attempt to flirt

malfoy: I hate you.

parkinson: you dont deny it

zabini: i hate to help you pansy

zabini: but remember the plan

harry: what plan

parkinson: youll soon find out ;)

malfoy: Pansy, do NOT test me.

parkinson: you “don’t care”

hermione: everyone please look to the gc name

parkinson: too late draco already killed me

parkinson: and zabini is already dead anyway

zabini: arent we all metaphorically dead?

hermione: EVERYONE SHUT UP AND LISTEN TO THE RULES

ron: babe youre so hot when youre mad

malfoy: You make it so difficult to refrain from killing.

hermione: wait, before i list the rules, is everyone present?

zabini: tragically

malfoy: ^

ron: yup

harry: hi

parkinson: hi darling ;)

hermione: ok so the rules

hermione: _ 1) We will all refer to each other by our given first names. (no name-calling) _

malfoy: No.

parkinson: no

ron: no

hermione:  _ 1.5) No arguing against the rules. _

parkinson: outplayed

hermione changed (parkinson) to (pansy)

hermione changed (malfoy) to (draco)

hermione changed (zabini) to (blaise)

draco: Majority rules 4-2. I retain freedom of speech, and in that freedom is the ability to call redhead Weasel at will.

hermione: please refer to rule 1.5

pansy: outplayed once again

hermione:  _ 2) No insults or instigation of any form. _

pansy: i feel targeted and unsafe in this environment

draco: Hermione, you do realize that you are effectively blocking Pansy, Blaise, and I from any means of communication? An insult to you is a simple greeting to us. Pansy, an example?

pansy: blaise youre an idiot

blaise: good morning to you too

hermione: fine. say i if you are fine with insults

blaise: i

draco: I.

pansy: i

ron: i

ron: not insulting malfoy is just wrong

draco: Hermione, I would like to charge *Ronald* with unconstitutional behavior, specifically his clear rejection of Rule 1.

hermione: noted

harry: i agree with ron

harry: i

hermione: fine, an amendment to rule 2 will be made

hermione:  _ 2) No insults or instigation at someone’s request. If someone feels uncomfortable with an insult, they may report it to the group leader (me). _

draco: Fine.

hermione:  _ 3) Everything said in the chat stays in the chat. _

hermione:  _ 4) No bullying or ganging up on a single person. _

pansy: isnt ganging up with a group to bully the definition of true community?

hermione: moving on

hermione:  _ 5) No homophobia. _

harry: if any of you even try to argue i WILL hurt you

draco: Shut up, *Harry*. You have no right to defend a community you’re not a part of.

harry: …

draco: … 

hermione:  _ 6) Harry and Draco will stop being oblivious. _

pansy: ill toast to that

blaise: you require the impossible

harry: whats that supposed to mean

draco: ^

hermione: ok those are all the rules

hermione: so as the first activity i was thinking we could go around and all say one nice thing about someone else

hermione: let’s start with blaise

pansy: i love you blaisie and youre just the sweetest and i love how unashamed you are! i dont think i could face anyone after watching hours of my little pony yet somehow you manage to do it daily

blaise: *sigh*

hermione: your turn, blaise

blaise: hermione, you seem tolerable

hermione: ron, you’re the sweetest, most noble person i’ve ever met, and i love you with all of my heart <3

ron: youre an awesome best friend harry

harry: … 

hermione: you have compliment draco

harry: … 

harry: im fine with the letter d

pansy: here we have another chance witness harry attempt to flirt

pansy: actually its quite attractive ;)

harry: what

pansy: just saying youre cute thats all

ron: wHAT

pansy: so harry are you single

harry: yes?

pansy: perfect!

draco: Oh, wonderful. It’s my turn to compliment the lovely Pansy.

draco: I happen to HATE the letter p so I don’t know what to say.

draco: I guess I appreciate the way you’re head will look when it’s been severed.

hermione: well then.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiya! comments and suggestions make me so happy <3 so feel free to say anything or just to chat :D
> 
> thank you all for reading! you're all the best <3


	4. Phase 2

~~~(chapter 4)~~~

(~why~, ugh, longingfordeath, dead, 8:53am, 4/12/20)

ugh: pansy

ugh: this gc was supposed to bring us together not tear us apart

dead: this is just what their friendship is like

dead: ive had to deal for the past 15 years

longingfordeath: its not even my fault dray is being dramatic

longingfordeath: i just want him to have lilac hair 

longingfordeath: and not even to harass him

longingfordeath: he would look so hot

longingfordeath: im HELPING him

ugh: what are you talking about

dead: *sigh*

dead: pansy told draco that she would “seduce” potter if he refused to let her dye his hair

ugh: PANSY

dead: they do this sort of thing every day 

longingfordeath: im not gonna deny it

ugh: pansy, it’s not going to work

ugh: if you want to seduce harry you’re going to need to eliminate draco first

ugh: which ruins the entire purpose of the plan

dead: you know shes right pans

longingfordeath: no matter what happens i win

longingfordeath: option 1: potter falls in love with me, i dye dracos hair lilac, he looks like a pastel badass, and i break potters heart

longingfordeath: option 2: my plan results in potter and draco admitting their undying love for each other and we all get the romance we deserve

longingfordeath: and maybe draco will stop being such a whiny drama bitch

ugh: i hate the validity of that plan so much

ugh: harry definitely likes draco

longingfordeath: tea?

dead: i hate you pans

dead: your use of tea revolts me

ugh: ok here’s the tea

dead left ~ugh~

longingfordeath added (dead) to ~ugh~

longingfordeath: blaise you cant leave me with granger

longingfordeath: ill be outnumbered

dead: my only value is in my support of you

longingfordeath: we been knew

dead: if i was alive i would die from cringe

dead: whatever

longingfordeath: so the tea granger

ugh: oh right

ugh: so on friday

ugh: harry couldn’t stop staring at draco because “he was wearing a purple scarf”

longingfordeath: ahahahahahahah

longingfordeath: i told him he looked good in the scarf

ugh: harry seemed to think so too

longingfordeath: hahaha draco is so gay

dead: pans YOURE so gay 

longingfordeath: deep down arent we all

ugh: i second that

longingfordeath: so granger

longingfordeath: you wouldnt kick a fellow gay out of the gc

ugh: i wasn’t ever going to kick you out

ugh: i was just reminding you of the purpose of the chat

ugh: i actually want us to get along

longingfordeath: actually granger youre not the worst

longingfordeath: i sort of like you

ugh: um thanks?

longingfordeath: your boyfriend is dreadful though

dead: *sigh*

longingfordeath: hes named after a weasel

longingfordeath: and the name ronald is just so juvenile

ugh: your best friend is named draco

longingfordeath: hmm… would i rather be named after a beautiful constalation or a fast-food chain

ugh: pansy

ugh: you’re named after a flower

ugh: you’re no different from all the roses or daisys or lilys or jasmines or petunias

dead: shes right pans

longingfordeath: DO NOT COMPARE ME TO THE PETUNIAS

dead: dont ask

dead: please for my sake

ugh: fine pansy

ugh: can we please just agree to be nice

longingfordeath: being nice to weasley or potter would just be shameful

longingfordeath: i have a social image that im looking to maintain

ugh: youre being ridiculous!

dead: have you met her?

ugh: please pansy

longingfordeath: oh the glorious granger begging 

longingfordeath: what a sight to see

dead: *sigh*

longingfordeath: hmm

longingfordeath: ill be civil if you do my homework for a week

ugh: i won't tell ms. mcgonagall that you’ve been cheating off of draco if you are civil

dead: plot twist

longingfordeath: i will kill you blaise

dead: too late im already dead

longingfordeath: and granger you dont have any proof

ugh: ill just ask her to change our seats

ugh: your suddenly failing scores will speak for themselves

dead: check mate

longingfordeath: i admire your cunningness 

longingfordeath: reminds me of a younger and more nieve version of myself

ugh: so you’ll be nice to my friends?

longingfordeath: you have far too little faith in me darling

longingfordeath: ask ms. mcgonagall to switch seats

ugh: why are you impossible?

ugh: how do you manage to not strangle her, blaise

dead: ive lost all will to live

dead: i was once a happy boy

dead: now i am the hollow shell of a man

longingfordeath: you love me though

dead: whatever

(~please refrain from killing~, hermione, ron, harry, draco, pansy, blaise, 6:00am, 4/13/20)

hermione changed ~please refrain from killing~ to ~acquaintances~

hermione: good morning everyone!

ron: good morning <3

draco: The concept of good is only a societal construction. Objectively, nothing is “good” about today.

harry: looks like someone woke up on the wrong side of the bed

draco: Objectively no side of the bed is “right”.

harry: hmm youre right

harry: i think both sides might be wrong for you

ron: why are we awake at this ungodly hour

hermione: school starts in an hour and i was thinking that we could start phase 2 before then

ron: phase two???

ron: of what???

harry: ^

pansy: its granger

pansy: of course she has a plan

ron: HERMIONE PANSY BROKE RULE 1

pansy: hermione ron is being ron’

hermione: actually phase 2 is about rule 1

hermione: these are the phases that will lead us to inevitable friendship

draco: Pansy, get the trash can. I’m going to throw up.

pansy: on it master dray

draco: Oh wait, I don’t need a trash can. There seems to be trash here speaking to me!

blaise: *sigh*

hermione: anyways… 

hermione: phase 2 refers to assigning usernames

hermione: rule 1 says that everyone must call each other by their given first name

hermione: but i think that having cute usernames in the gc could help us bond

harry: i have no interest in bonding

pansy: hey harry

pansy: do you like science?

harry: what

pansy: because we have chemistry as good as a hydrogen bond

blaise: i hate you

draco: ^

ron: ^

harry: ^

hermione: ok i’m going to randomly assign everyone someone else to give a username to

hermione: AND IT HAS TO BE NICE

draco: This is idiotic.

harry: youre idiotic

draco: And you’re in 1st grade.

hermione: here are the pairings

hermione: i’m choosing for draco

hermione: draco’s choosing for ron

ron: ajahhahahlhddbnbmfh

draco: ^

hermione: ron’s choosing for harry

hermione: harry is choosing for pansy

pansy: yeet

blaise: draco im going to need the trash can

blaise: although i could just “yeet” myself out the window instead

hermione: pansy is choosing for blaise

hermione: and blaise is choosing for me

pansy: ok got it

pansy: blaise will be dubbed “yeet”

blaise left ~acquaintances~

hermione added (blaise) to ~acquaintances~

pansy: nice to see you again yeet

hermione: i WILL kick you out pansy

pansy: i make this gc interesting

draco: I resent that implication. I am plenty interesting

harry: you sure are

pansy: draco is interesting and harry is interested ;)

hermione: the plan pansy?

pansy: i cant help myself

draco: What plan?

harry: ^

pansy: this is a moment to remember

pansy: draco and harry agree on something!

draco: I didn’t agree with him! He agreed with me!

hermione: class starts in 20 minutes

hermione: stop arguing and get to class

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hiya! i hope you like it (I LOVE PANSY HAHAHAHAHAH) and please leave comments and kudos they make me so happy :D 
> 
> love you all <3 and stay safe (im so sad in quarantine and i just need a virtual hug ༼ つ ◕_◕ ༽つ


	5. Pansy Always Wins (feat. Nicknames)

~~~(chapter 5)~~~

*All six of them are in their separate bedrooms after school.*

(~acquaintances~, hermione, ron, harry, draco, pansy, blaise, 6:25pm, 4/13/20)

hermione: ok username time!

hermione changed (draco) to (snakeprince)

snakeprince changed (ron) to (moRONic)

moRONic: so funny

snakeprince: I’m glad we agree.

moRONic changed (harry) to (lionprince)

lionprince: istfg ron

snakeprince: I REFUSE to match names with HIM

hermione: what’s been done has been done

pansy: draco darling this is HILARIOUS

pansy: maybe youre not so bad ron

lionprince changed (pansy) to (fryingpan)

fryingpan: i AM sizzling hot ;)

fryingpan changed (blaise) to (notyeet)

notyeet: clever

notyeet changed (hermione) to (books)

fryingpan: oof what an insult

fryingpan: hes implying that you READ

notyeet: and harry implied that youre used to cook eggs pansy

lionprince: i was just stating the object i would like to hit over her head

fryingpan: what did i ever do to you

lionprince: um… you bullied me throughout elementary school

moRONic: ok this got intense fast

fryingpan: i was mean because you hurt draco!

fryingpan: i apologize for defending the people i love

books: can we please stop talking about this

fryingpan: draco was in a vulnerable place and you criticize me for supporting him

fryingpan: so bloody mature

snakeprince: I was NOT in a vulnerable place.

notyeet: *sigh*

books: STOP

books: pansy you could apologize

books: and harry, this happened in elementary school

books: we’re seniors

fryingpan: whatever

lionprince: whatever

books: ok good

*It’s the following day, during their lunch period (they all get an hour for lunch). Ron and Harry are walking to Snape’s classroom to pick up one of Ron’s tests and are going to meet Hermione by their tree afterwards.*

(~we’re queer and we’re here~, ronaldduck, mione, boy, 12:35pm, 4/14/2020)

boy: agjhdsghdfvmhcvhvdkfjgskdjbgnvmnhgmh

ronaldduck: i felt that

boy: i HATE malfoy

ronaldduck: i felt that too

mione: harry what happened

boy: i wish i had any other science partner

boy: he just acts like im so stupid

mione: well, were you acting stupid?

boy: dshkjfhjbcxnbjfdhbjhfb

mione: harry i love you, but draco might love a good grade on the project

boy: he must hate me

mione: harry

boy: he hates me

mione: you hate him?

boy: he hates me

ronaldduck: its malfoy why do you care

ronaldduck: youve both always hated each other

ronaldduck: its a part of your identity

boy: HE HATES ME

mione: let harry go through his gay crisis ron

boy: HE HATES MEEEE

boy: wait what

boy: gay crisis?

boy: what?

mione: harry it’s okay we accept you for who you are and who you like

ronaldduck: speak for yourself

ronaldduck: i will NEVER accept the weasel

boy: SHUT UP I DO NOT LIKE MALFOY

mione: hmm

mione: YOU don’t like HIM

mione: but you’re just so upset that HE doesn’t like YOU   
boy: i am not a logical creature

mione: no, you’re a romantic one ;)

ronaldduck: i am going to throw up

boy: i am NOT attracted to malfoy

mione: …

boy: just because hes attractive doesnt mean im attracted to him

boy: i can appreciate beautiful people while acknowledging that i hate them

ronaldduck: omfg you really do like him

ronaldduck: i really am going to throw up

boy: whatever

mione: i think you two would be cute together

boy: WHATEVER

mione: harry

mione: he’s intelligent and top of our class

ronaldduck: right below you <3

mione: he’s tall, handsome, and beautiful

mione: AND he’s clever and funny

boy: AND a jerk who’s punched me multiple times

mione: it’s a fairytale romance <3

ronaldduck: mione why dont you just date him if hes that great

mione: he’s gay

ronaldduck: :(

mione: and i love you!

ronaldduck: :)

boy: hes not gay

mione: …

ronaldduck: …

boy: WHAT. EVER.

boy: can we just change the topic?

mione: i’m organizing the class unity project

ronaldduck: so proud <3

mione: the gc is actually part of it in a way

mione: i really want it to go well

ronaldduck: what is “it” exactly

mione: i can’t tell you

ronaldduck: :(

mione: but i promise it’ll go better if we all get along

mione: i’ve said it before but harry and malfoy really affect the tension in the school

mione: you’re both popular and have polarizing personalities

ronaldduck: so really its harry that needs to be nice in the gc

boy: wait so mione

boy: is the unity project a HUGE gc?

ronaldduck: oh GOD

mione: no no no

mione: the gc is just to soothe tension between us 6

ronaldduck: blaise seems like the least tense person ive ever met

boy: ^

mione: actually

mione: i happen to really like all 3 of them

ronaldduck: ahhhhhhh im surrounded by traitors

(~we’re queer and we’re here~, ronaldduck, mione, boy, 12:47pm, 4/14/2020)

mione: ok i’ve been waiting at our tree for 10 minutes

mione: we’re getting lunch right?

ronaldduck: sorry sorry

ronaldduck: i asked harry to come with me to pick up my test from snape

ronaldduck: be there in 10

*Draco and Blaise are waiting for Pansy outside of Mcgonagall’s classroom.*

(~bitches~, bored, cupcakepans, drayco, 12:48pm, 4/14/20)

cupcakepans: WHERE ARE MY BITCHES

bored: *sigh*

drayco: We’re waiting outside of Ms. Mcgonagall’s classroom.

drayco: Like we do every day.

cupcakepans: ok ill be there in 10

cupcakepans: meanwhile we have things to discuss

bored: *sigh*

cupcakepans: dray… 

drayco: Is a name people with a death wish call me.

cupcakepans: i have a plan

bored: this is where i would leave if i wasnt sadistic

cupcakepans: i am going to flirt with potter over text

drayco: I’m not going to let you dye my hair purple, Pansy. My dignity is important to me, which I’m sure you wouldn’t understand.

cupcakepans: ha. ha.

drayco: Ha.

(pansy -> harry, 12:50pm, 4/14/20)

pansy: hello darling

harry: um hi

harry: is this parkinson?

pansy: harry love

pansy: i think that our relationship is past last names

pansy: unless you find that attractive ;)

harry: what are you talking about

pansy: guess ;)

harry: no

pansy: ooooh confidence is attractive 

harry: im sure thats why you have men lining up outside your door

pansy: i like a man with some sass ;)

harry: stop winking at me

pansy: ;)

pansy: fine i give up

harry: what

pansy: im very uninterested

harry: what

pansy: im currently in love with the weaselette

harry: youre gay?

harry: didnt you date crabbe

pansy: IT WAS A MISTAKE

pansy: and im PAN(sy)

harry: wait im confused

pansy: ok ill clarify

pansy: i hate most humans

pansy: but gender has nothing to do with who i do not hate

harry: ok?

harry: and you like ginny?

pansy: will you pretend to go out with me or not

harry: no

pansy: its to make draco upset

harry: fine ill do it

harry: wait why would us going on a date make malfoy upset

harry: does he like you?

harry: he knows that you like ginny right

pansy: quoting blaise: *sigh*

harry: what

pansy: sometimes i think draco is smart then i talk to you and i question all of his decisions 

harry: what

pansy: ok so will you fake date me?

harry: cant we just make malfoy upset by punching him or something 

pansy: trust me

pansy: this will be way better 

harry: fine

pansy: ;)

harry: ok do you have a twitchy eye or something

(~bitches~, bored, cupcakepans, drayco, 12:56, 4/14/20)

drayco: Pansy, where are you?

cupcakepans: oh sorry i have to cancel

cupcakepans: i have a date bitchesss

drayco: With the weaselette?

cupcakepans: with potter!

blaise: wait really

blaise: how is your plan working

cupcakepans: im dating POTTER!!!

drayco: Fine.

cupcakepans: what dray darling?

drayco: You win.

cupcakepans: im afraid youre going to have to be more specific

cupcakepans: i win a lot of things

blaise: she has a point

drayco: Dye my hair purple. I don’t care.

blaise: pansy never loses draco

drayco: Whose side are you on, Blaise?

blaise: if “the devil” is an option i choose “the devil”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! i think that i'm going insane in quarantine. yesterday i ate an entire container of sprinkles, and i've never felt better. i really think that someone needs to send help haha!
> 
> i love you all and i hope you like this update! kudos and comments are always appreciated <3 especially if you have any suggestions ;)
> 
> AHHHHH idk if the size of my chapters are too short if you’re reading this PLEASE tell me if i should make them longer PLEASE


	6. Pansy Plans a Party

~~~(chapter 6)~~~

*Everybody is in their seperate rooms that Tuesday night.*

(pansy -> draco, 11:03pm, 4/14/20)

pansy: ill let you have this week

draco: You are too kind.

pansy: shut up dray

pansy: i am NOT kind

draco: But you are. Sending hearts your way, love. <3

pansy: but how? youre heartless

draco: Sending the ripped out hearts of my dismembered victims! <3

pansy: oooh nice i was looking for organs to sell <3

pansy: speaking of body parts

pansy: in the unlikely case your hair falls out after i dye it

pansy: can i sell it

draco: If my hair falls out, money won’t be your biggest worry.

pansy: ahhahahahhahaahahhaha

draco: And fine, I’m letting you dye my hair. But NOT purple.

pansy: potter was really excited to go out with me

draco: You are a bitch, Pansy Parkinson.

pansy: i try my best

draco: I have an ultimatum.

pansy: hmm

draco: You can dye my hair purple. But we do not speak of you and Potter again.

pansy: deal

draco: I will bring a contract to class tomorrow morning. We will sign in blood.

pansy: and blaisie says IM dramatic

pansy: ill come over to your room and dye it saturday morning

draco: Fine. Theo will still be sleeping.

pansy: your roommate needs to see you at your best

pansy: ill wake theo up

pansy: and ill invite blaisie

pansy: ITLL BE A PARTY TO CELEBRATE YOUR TRANSFORMATION

draco: Or a preemptive funeral to celebrate your impending death.

pansy: draco i promise itll look good

draco: Hmm.

pansy: potter will fall in love on sight GUARANTEED

draco: What?

draco: I don’t like Potter.

pansy: yes you do

draco: Being gay doesn’t mean I like Potter.

pansy: no

pansy: being draco means that you like potter

pansy: no need to hide it darling

pansy: blaise and i support you

draco: You and Blaise seem to get hate and love mixed up.

pansy: maybe because you say you hate us all the time

pansy: but we know you love us <3

draco: It’s different with Potter.

pansy: i agree ;)

draco: Seriously, Pans. Potter hates us, and we hate him. It’s always been that way.

pansy: there has always been *tension*

draco: I don’t understand you. You seemed to hate him on the groupchat yesterday.

pansy: i was defending us

pansy: his points were valid

pansy: mine were more valid

draco: But we hate Potter.

pansy: … 

draco: He irritates you immensely and you’ve always been mean to each other.

pansy: are we describing my relationship with potter or my relationship with you

draco: Pans, it’s different.

pansy: i know

pansy: but potter is just a boy

draco: He’s our ENEMY.

pansy: i just dont see why you cant admit you like potter

draco: I can’t admit something that isn’t true!

pansy: draco youre letting a stupid childhood rivelry get in the way of happiness

draco: I just don’t understand why you like him all of a sudden.

pansy: i dont like him moron

pansy: hes still potter

pansy: but imagine him as harry

draco: Do NOT romanticize Potter.

pansy: dray

draco: … co

pansy: can you just admit it might be sort of nice to kiss him

draco: Ew.

pansy: imagine his soft supple lips gracing yours

pansy: imagine him kissing you until your lips hurt and it feels like time has stopped

pansy: imagine him running his manly fingers through your beautiful lilac hair

draco: I WILL END YOU PARKINSON

pansy: just imagine dating golden boy

draco: He doesn’t like me.

pansy: your relationship would be so adorable

draco: Pansy, it would never work. We both have dominant personalities.

pansy: youre like dynamite and hes the spark

draco: And we’ll explode graphically. Hopefully you’ll be a casualty.

pansy: youll explode into sunshine and rainbows

draco: I’m not a unicorn, Pansy.

pansy: ok ill be over saturday morning :D

draco: Over your idiocy by saturday morning? I don’t think so.

pansy: warm skin and green eyes

draco: SHUT TF UPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP

pansy: see you then darling

(~why~, ugh, longingfordeath, dead, 11:43am, 4/14/20)

longingfordeath: ahahahahahhahahahha

ugh: pansy, it’s 11:43 at night and we have school tomorrow

longingfordeath: granger

ugh: it’s hermione

ugh: and what

longingfordeath: im having a party saturday

dead: *sigh*

longingfordeath: and i want you to come

ugh: um i don’t really go to parties

longingfordeath: but hermione its to celebrate dracos hair transformation

ugh: fine

ugh: i’ll be there

longingfordeath: blaise you have to come over at 7:00am to assist in the dyeing

dead: i dont do mornings

longingfordeath: i dont care

ugh: so when do i come over

longingfordeath: come to dracos room at 5:00pm

dead: wait i have to be in a room with you and draco from 7-5

longingfordeath: you have the rare privilege

ugh: can i come over for the dyeing?

ugh: i wanted to talk to draco about economic systems anyway

longingfordeath: sure

longingfordeath: granger youre definitely the best of the trio

ugh: thanks?

ugh: did you buy the hair dye and supplies?

longingfordeath: i have a lot of food coloring

dead: dont ask

ugh: PANSY

ugh: you can’t dye his hair with food dye!

longingfordeath: his hair is literally white

longingfordeath: one time i got a bit of squirrel blood in his hair

dead: DONT ASK

ugh: what

longingfordeath: we were 7 and we were giving a squirrel a funeral and it got messy

ugh: cute

longingfordeath: his hair had red streaks for weeks

ugh: fine

ugh: but the food dye could damage his hair

longingfordeath: if i can eat it then dracos hair will survive

dead: draco probably has pretentious hair

dead: will it even survive touching such an unsophisticated product

longingfordeath: ill tell him i labored for hours gathering violets for dye or something

ugh: he’ll know, pansy

longingfordeath: i have complete power over him

longingfordeath: i just need to mention dating potter

ugh: wait does harry know?

longingfordeath: i told him that we might need to fake date to get under dracos skin

ugh: and of course he agreed

ugh: anything to make draco mad

longingfordeath: why are they like this

longingfordeath: why cant they just kiss and be happy omfg

blaise: *sigh*

ugh: ^

longingfordeath: ^

ugh: harry definitely likes draco though

ugh: today he admitted draco was beautiful

longingfordeath: he will NEVER be able to deny purple haired draco

ugh: actually we should invite harry over on saturday

longingfordeath: over to draco and theos room?

ugh: why not

longingfordeath: go ahead

dead: pansy its not your room

dead: its draco and theos choice if they come over

longingfordeath: invite ron too

longingfordeath: and ill invite daphne and millie

ugh: consider it done

longingfordeath: i should have befriended you sooner

dead: fine

dead: but invite them to come over at 5pm

dead: if we invite everybody at 7am draco will murder us

longingfordeath: sure

longingfordeath: us three at 7

ugh: perfect

ugh: okay i’m going to go to bed

longingfordeath: goodnight

dead: sleep tight

longingfordeath: dont let the bedbugs bite

dead: i hated that

longingfordeath: ^

*Pansy, Blaise, and Draco are all hanging out in Draco’s room the following evening. Hermione, Ron, and Harry are all in their separate rooms.*

(~acquaintances~, books, moRONic, lionprince, snakeprince, fryingpan, notyeet, 6:28pm, 4/15/20)

fryingpan: i dont know if granger asked but youre all invited to dracos room

fryingpan: im having a party at 5pm

fryingpan: OH GOD SOMEONE HELP ME HES ATTACKING

fryingpan: HJGKJGJHGHVHJVHGV

lionprince: what

notyeet: draco is attempting to smother her with a pillow

moRONic: i never thought id say this but… 

moRONic: GO DRACO

fryingpan: I am so sorry to inform you, but the party has been canceled.

fryingpan: And I admit that draco is my superior in every way.

lionprince: what

books: draco, we all know you stole pansy’s phone

books: pansy doesn’t capitalize

snakeprince: I’m aware. I just couldn’t bring myself to look at that lowercase “i”.

fryingpan: ok im back

fryingpan: anyways party at dracos be there

lionprince: whos coming

fryingpan: theo millie daphne and us 6

snakeprince: WHAT. ARE. YOU. TALKING. ABOUT.

fryingpan: dont worry about it darling

lionprince: if im coming im bringing dean seamus and neville

lionprince: im not stupid enough to go into malfoys room outnumbered

moRONic: ^

fryingpan: the more the merrier!

snakeprince: Potter will NOT step foot into my room. 

fryingpan: ignore draco hes a whiner

fryingpan: and weasley 

fryingpan: invite the weaselette too

moRONic: my sister?

fryingpan: dont remind me

(draco -> pansy)

draco: You’ve been teasing me about Potter for the last month when all along you liked the weaselette.

pansy: yeah sure i like mini weasley

draco: AND YOU’VE BEEN GIVING ME HELL FOR LIKING POTTER

pansy: you admit you like him this is progress

draco: Pans, seriously.

pansy: fine i like ginny

pansy: its very different then your potter thing

draco: IT IS NOT A THING

pansy: dray darling i can admit ginny is attractive and i would very much like to kiss her

pansy: but it’s not like i want to DATE her

pansy: shes just one of my crushes

draco: Potter and I are not crushing on each other. 

draco: I would never partake in something so juvenile.

pansy: exactly! thats why my thing is different

pansy: theres actual tension between you two 

pansy: ive just admired the weaselette from afar

draco: Of course there’s tension! We’re enemies!

pansy: okay but everyone loves the enemies to lovers trope

draco: I don’t!

pansy: mmmmhhhhhmmm

draco: WHATEVER

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hello everyone!!! first of all, i'm sorry for focusing so much on pansy, i just love her so much <3
> 
> also, should i make every chapter longer, or is this length okay? let me know haha
> 
> i'm sort of losing my mind in quarantine. i have literally read sooooo many fanfics in the past week, and let me tell you, they were awesome!!! i have SOOO many reccomendations, and i love ALL of you authors out there because you make me SO HAPPY and some fanfics i've read are quickly becoming my favorite books of all time. like actually, you guys are the absolute best, and i love you all <3


	7. Draco and Harry Make a Plan

~~~(chapter 7)~~~

**Hermione and Draco are studying together in Draco’s room afterschool the following day, and all the other characters are in their own rooms.**

(harry -> draco, 4:20pm, 4/16/20)

harry: is this malfoy

draco: Who is this “Malfoy” you speak of?

draco: Are you talking about the really handsome one that’s the top of our class?

harry: i wanted to talk to you about our project

draco: Who are you?

harry: harry

draco: That name doesn’t ring any bells. I only fraternize with the best of society though, so I assume that you don’t fit that criteria.

harry: malfoy i know its you i dont know of anyone else as annoying

harry: besides i got your number from the group chat

draco: Stalking me? I see, I see.

harry: i am NOT stalking you

harry: why tf would i stalk you

draco: Why WOULDN’T someone stalk me? I am quite interesting.

harry: whatever you say o interesting one

harry: about the project

harry: i dont understand it

draco: Okay, so you’re meeting everyone’s expectations. If you actually UNDERSTOOD something Snape would have a heart attack.

harry: can you be nice for a single second

draco: If I uttered a nice word I would be having the heart attack instead of Snape.

harry: we should just do our project on your rejection kindness

harry: we could use the scientific method and everything

harry: my hypothesis: some people are just born with a future of evil

draco: Oh, right. I forgot I’m an “evil villian”. Oh, the hardships of being evil in the 21st century. No respect for the art of killing your enemies.

harry: so you admit that youre evil

draco: Hmm. I guess I can handle being evil as long as we both agree I’m the sexy sort of evil villian.

harry: what?

harry: NO

draco: YES

harry: NO

draco: YES   
harry: NO

draco: NO

harry: YES

draco: Okay, I’m glad we agree.

(hermione -> harry, 4:39pm, 4/16/20)

hermione: harry, i thought you didn’t like draco

harry: i dont

hermione: i’m studying with him and he’s been texting you for the past 15 minutes

harry: about our project!

hermione: ok fine

hermione: can you tell me ONE thing about your project

harry: thats not fair

harry: malfoys being a git

harry: he wont help me understand the project at all

hermione: then ask him

harry: thats what im doinggggggg

hermione: oh of course

hermione: thats why you were talking about draco being a sexy vilain

hermione: it all makes sense now

harry: he showed you our texts?!

hermione: oh are they private now?

harry: im leaving

hermione: running back to draco?

harry: :(

(harry -> draco, 4:41pm, 4/16/20)

harry: you showed mione our texts

draco: Did I break our intimate bond of trust?

harry: why are you such a git

draco: I thought we already established my evilness.

draco: *sexy evilness

harry: I CAME TO TLAK ABOUT THE PROJECT

draco: I apologize, but I’ve never incountered the word “tlak”... Could you elaborate?

harry: IM NOT DOING THE BLOODY PROJECT ON BLOODY PARTICLE ACCELERATION

draco: And to think I’m the evil one obsessed with blood.

draco: Potter, we’ve already decided on particle acceleration.

harry: YOUVE already decided on particle acceleration

draco: I’M going to be the one doing all the work, so it’s fair.

harry: fine we dont need to change it

harry: but could you just help me a little

draco: Hmm…

draco: If you say please.

harry: i am NOT saying please

draco: Then I am NOT helping you.

harry: i wish i had a different partner

draco: You hurt me so with your mean words. 

harry: im leaving

draco: Wait!

harry: what

draco: I’ll help you.

harry: what

draco: Fine, I’ll help you understand the project.

harry: um ok?

harry: do you wanna meet sunday to go over stuff

draco: Fine.

(~why~, ugh, longingfordeath, dead, 4:47pm, 4/16/20)

ugh: guys

ugh: we’ve had a breakthrough

longingfordeath: what?

ugh: draco told me hes hanging out with harry this sunday

longingfordeath: ok give me a few minutes ill talk to him

(pansy -> draco, 4:50pm, 4/16/20)

pansy: omfg you BITCH

pansy: you have a date with potter and you didnt tell me

draco: I do NOT have a date with Potter.

draco: We’re just meeting to go over our science project.

pansy: just meeting ;)

draco: Just meeting. :(

pansy: so youre sad its just a meeting?

draco: No! It’s POTTER.

pansy: hmm well hes coming over for my party on saturday anyway

pansy: i guess he should just stay the night

draco: I’m choosing to ignore you.

pansy: you do not choose love

pansy: it chooses you

draco: Quantum Indeterminacy. Nothing is predetermined, I have my free will.

pansy: ugh science

draco: Don’t act like you’re not intelligent, Pans.

pansy: ugh intelligence

(~why~, ugh, longingfordeath, dead, 4:52pm, 4/16/20)

ugh: what did he say?

longingfordeath: its apparently just some science fair project

longingfordeath: but i have a plan

dead: *sigh*

longingfordeath: blaise is just so supportive

ugh: the plan?

longingfordeath: i say that you enact phase three of the gc

ugh: um i don’t know what phase 3 is going to be?

longingfordeath: SLEEPOVER

longingfordeath: you want us all to bond and i want my ship to sail

ugh: hmm

dead: its not your room to have a sleepover in

dead: its not even just dracos room

longingfordeath: ill take care of theo ;)

dead: dont kill theo

ugh: actually pansy its not a bad idea

ugh: a sleepover might be a way to bond

ugh: and i have been meaning to spend more time with draco for our research

dead: pansy youre already dying dracos hair saturday dont push it

longingfordeath: blaise we all have to take risks in life

dead: im dont have a life 

dead: im dead

(~acquaintances~, books, moRONic, lionprince, snakeprince, fryingpan, notyeet, 9:07pm, 4/16/20)

books: ok so i have decided to enact phase three of my plan

moRONic: oh god

books: what did you just say

moRONic: jk jk just kidding babe haha

books: ok thats what i thought

snakeprince: Hermione, I’m impressed.

lionprince: whats phase 3

books: we are going to have a sleepover

snakeprice: No.

moRONic: ^

lionprince: ^

books: it would be a way of finding out new things about one another

snakeprince: I think you mean BINDING not FINDING.

snakeprince: Because you’ll only get me there if you bind me to a chair.

fryingpan: drama bitch

fryingpan: and dont worry about getting there

fryingpan: its happening in your room

snakeprince: NO.

books: draco, it’s the most logical thing to do

books: everyone will be in your room for the party anyways

moRONic: wait the party thing is real

snakeprince: ^!!!

fryingpan: yes

books: ron, harry, you’re both coming

moRONic: no!

lionprince: NO

books: sorry i must have misheard you

books: what did you just say

moRONic: hahahhahahah ofc ill be there hahahahhahah

lionprince: fine

snakeprince: Once again Hermione, you amaze me.

books: thank you thank you

snakeprince: But the party and sleepover aren’t happening.

fryingpan: see thats where we got lucky

moRONic: we? you and mione are a WE???

lionprince: ^

fryingpan: i like granger

snakeprince: ^

notyeet: ^

fryingpan: anyways we got lucky because we chose to have the party in your room

fryingpan: you have to either come or sleep in the hallway

snakeprince: I won’t open the door for any of you.

fryingpan: but theo will

fryingpan: theo likes blaisie and me

snakeprince: Have you no sense of loyalty? Theo is MY roommate, he won’t betray me.

books: draco, it’s a highschool party not a war

snakeprince: And the difference?

fryingpan: just come to dracos at 5:00 saturday   
books: and bring blankets, pillows, pijamas, and hygiene things

moRONic: fine

lionprince: can i still invite dean seamus and neville

books: yes

books: they can’t stay for the sleepover, though

lionprince: ok

fryingpan: AND INVITE WEASELETTE   
moRONic: ok chill

moRONic: why tho?

lionprince: she likes ginny

snakeprince: Wait… if Harry knows… Pansy?

fryingpan: dont worry about it darling

fryingpan: a deal is a deal

moRONic: PARKINSON LIKES MY SISTER????

snakeprince: You better not be homophobic.

moRONic: i dont think i have a single straight friend 

snakeprince: You’re friends with Harry.

books: ok at this point this is diagnosable denial 

moRONic: as much as i would love to discuss harrys queerness can we get back to PARKINSON LIKING MY SISTER

fryingpan: shes so fierce tho

fryingpan: and have you seen her play soccer?

moRONic: OF COURSE I HAVE

moRONic: IM HER BROTHER

books: ok we all need to calm down

fryingpan: just invite the weaselette

moRONic: NO

fryingpan: fine i’ll ask her

snakeprince: Pansy: 1, Weasley: 0

lionprince: shut up malfoy

notyeet: and the bickering continues

books: ^

snakeprince: I do NOT bicker. I FIGHT.

notyeet: whatever you want

fryingpan: mlord

books: ok we need to take a break

notyeet: ^

books: goodnight everyone

notyeet: ^

moRONic: goodnight

moRONic: istg parkinson if you mention dreaming about my sister

fryingpan: oooooh good suggestion

fryingpan: gn ;)

snakeprince: Bye.

lionprince: bye

books: *bi

  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone!!! i'm so sorry, but i didn't have time to make a longer chapter (ap tests are stressful hahahahahahhfekjdbsjdbkjhfbkj) but i WILL next time (but tbh i fail at most things i try so i'm not promising anything haha)
> 
> i hope you all like it :DDD and i love you all <3


	8. Time to Dye

~~~(chapter 8)~~~

**Draco is in the bathroom of his room with Pansy outside and Theo still sleeping. It’s 7:00am, Saturday.**

“Dray, darling, come out of the bathroom.”

The tips of his hair are standing up, and he’s been trying to brush them down for the past half hour. He supposes his hair might have a semblance of sentience, and maybe is acting up in rebellion to it’s impending doom. Pansy says he’s always dramatic, which has some truth, but it’s his hair! Pansy can go stick her fingers in an electrical socket. Spreading more gel on his fingers he combs through his hair again, and the silvery blond locks are just so soft. At this point, maybe chopping them off himself would be less painful. 

It’s not just about having purple hair. Pansy says he’s just embarrassed about looking gay and that’s problematic in its own sense. And yes, Pansy, he is gay. He still remembers laying on his bed with Blaise and her at his parents house (ugh, he hates that he’s thinking about his parents) and telling them that maybe he likes boys. It feels so long ago, but he remembers that dizzying fear and Pansy laughing and hugging him. Blaise wrapped his arms around them both and he remembers just laying there limbs tangled together. That must have been 10 years ago. So she knows he’s gay. It’s not exactly that he’s embarrassed by purple hair because he’s embarrassed about being gay, and anyways, anyone can have purple hair, so it really shouldn’t matter. But it DOES. Maybe 10 years ago he was ready to tell Blaise and Pansy, but he’s still not ready for the world to know. And it’s not Pansy’s choice. 

“Draco! Hermione and Blaise are going to be here soon and you’re still in the bathroom! Come out!”

And isn’t that ironic. Pansy telling him to come out. He hears her stomp over to the door and he knows she’s not leaving. Theo’s still asleep, so he has no idea how she’s gotten in. But it’s Pansy, so chances are he doesn’t want to know. Next, he hears somebody stumble and fall and he thinks he can make out a curse. He writes himself a mental note to buy Theo lunch. 

“Um, Draco? What the fuck is she doing here?”

“Nice seeing you too, Theo. And to answer your question of what I’m doing, I’m bringing up the average intelligence in this room by a standard deviation.”

“Pansy, you’re great. Now leave.”

“No. Draco needs me.”

No. What Draco needs is for her to go. He pulls on his hoodie (it looks bloody awful, but he knows Pansy hates it, so sacrifices must be made) and opens up the door. Theo is rubbing his eyes and his brown hair is a complete mess, but even though he looks like he’s going to fall, he’s trying to push Pansy out the door, which Draco must admit is a valiant effort. If Theo is the picture of someone who’s still half-asleep, Pansy is the opposite. She’s wearing a smart white blouse and a short black skirt, and her hair looks perfect in it’s black bob. A light pink blush colors her cheeks, and Draco can tell that she’s wearing lipstick. 

When Draco clears his throat, both heads whip towards him.

“Darling!” Pansy pushes past Theo and flings herself into his arms. She pulls away a second later, and looks him over. “Please tell me you’re not wearing a hoodie.”

“I will wear whatever I please.”

“Granger and Blaise are arriving momentarily. I know you have standards,” She grabs the side of the hoodie between her fingers, “And this is sad, even for you.”

A muffled voice comes from where Theo has collapsed into his pillow. “Did she invite the whole bloody school to our room?”

Pansy turns away from Draco to walk over to his desk. Bloody hell, she’s wearing heels. Of course she is. “Yes. So, Dray, come sit on this chair.”

“I hate you.”

“Darling, I labored for hours for you, and you repay me by saying you hate me. Oh, the woes of being a philanthropist. Some people would PAY to get their hair dyed by a professional.”

“You would pay to have your hair dyed. I would pay to have YOU die.”

Theo lifts his head from the pillow, “I’m a hitman for hire.”

Tugging the sleeves of his hoodie down so they cover his hands, Draco drags himself to the chair and puts his head on the desk. “Just shave it off. I have no need for beauty anymore. Nothing can hide my dead soul.”

“Stop being so dramatic. Hair is overrated.”

“Fine. Let me dye your hair green then.” He knows he’s not being fair. Pansy’s too stubborn to say no, and he really doesn’t hate her enough to dye her hair green. Besides, she’s right. He does have standards. If she had green hair it would be freshman year all over again and he would have to disown her. He knows he’s not being fair, but he doesn’t take it back.

“Fine. Dye my hair green. I don’t care.”

Theo groans into his pillow. “Pansy, don’t do this. You don’t even have bleach.”

“Yes, I do.” And it’s a challenge. It’s Pansy though, so of course it’s a challenge. Draco doesn’t lift his head from the desk as Pansy pulls bleach, far too many brushes, what looks like purple conditioner, and bottles of food coloring out of her bag. 

Theo glares at the ceiling. “Pans. Is that food dye?”

“Yep.” She pops the “p”.

Theo takes out his phone. “Okay. It’s only supposed to last for like a week. Hmm… what about bleach… Nope. Not happening. You’re not bleaching your hair, Pans.”

“I said I would so I am.” Draco’s head is still on the desk, but he can so vividly imagine that slight upward tilt of her head.

“What about only the tips?”

“Theo, I said I would do it. I’m not backing out. I’m not a coward.” She shoves Draco in what must be a meaningful way.

“I am not a coward. I just have a sense of self-preservation-”. He freezes when he hears a knock at the door. Pansy runs (as fast as she can in inch-tall heels) to open it and Hermione comes bursting in, shortly followed by Blaise. Hermione looks nervously at Theo, but he just nods at her from his bed without taking his eyes off of Pansy. Blaise pulls Pansy off of him and sighs. Draco sighs with him. “Pansy’s going to dye her hair green.”

Eyes wide, Hermione looks at Pansy. “No!”

“It’s MY hair. If I want to dye it green, i’ll dye it green.”

Theo speaks up from the bed. “She’s only dying it green because Draco said she wouldn’t.”

“Theo, kindly shut up. Hermione, can you prepare the dye? Blaisie, you need to supervise Dray while I’m washing his hair.”

“I am not 12. I do not need supervision.”

“Just come into the bathroom with us, darling. Don’t make this harder than it needs to be.” 

Hermione’s eyes are still wide. “Pansy, you’re acting like we’re planning on killing him.”

Pansy smiles. “Something IS going to die.”

“If anybody makes another hair pun, I’m going to be the one dying,” Blaise says.

“But they’re so hair-larious!”

“Pans, let’s CUT this conversation short,” Theo laughs. 

Never before has Draco wished for death so much. It’s 7:00am, and he’s just a blond boy who wants his hair and a bowl of cereal. But when Pansy tugs him into the bathroom, Draco lets her. Sure, he knows it’s dramatic, but he feels like giving up. 

**1 hour later, after Draco’s hair has been dyed, he’s sitting in the bathroom again with the others waiting outside.**

Okay, so it’s kind of sort of not completely awful. Maybe. Sort of. Draco runs his fingers through his damp hair and stares into the mirror. It’s definitely purple, there’s no mistaking that, but it’s sort of pale, almost pastel. Pansy wanted vibrency, but the hair dye didn’t take well to his hair, so it’s a faded lilac, and it’s sort of not awful. It’s embarrassing to admit, but he kind of likes it. Even more embarrassingly, he feels the sudden urge to make a flower crown, and he hates himself for it. Draco does NOT wear flower crowns. Malfoy’s do NOT wear flower crowns.

Pansy, Blaise, Hermione, and Theo (surprisingly, Theo’s been interested in the process) are waiting outside the bathroom door for him and they still haven’t seen how it looks after the conditioner washed out. Blaise convinced Pansy to only dye the tips of her hair, but Hermione messed up on the application, so a solid 2-3 inches is now crumpled up in aluminum foil.

Life is rather funny, it turns out. A month ago he would have never imagined standing in front of the mirror with purple hair and his friends waiting for him. It’s the “friends” part that surprises Draco the most. He’s always loved Pans and Blaise (he would die before admitting it, though) and he’s been talking to Hermione for the past year, but it’s still so odd to see Hermione and Pansy talking as if it means nothing. As if the past 10 years of his life- no their lives -mean nothing.

He looks back at his hair. It still looks kind of nice. He sort of hates that it still looks kind of nice.

(~acquaintances~, books, moRONic, lionprince, snakeprince, fryingpan, notyeet, 8:36am, 4/18/20)

fryingpan added (NOTTagooddecision) to ~acquaintances~

fryingpan: draco COME OUT OF THE BATHROOM

NOTTagooddecision: wtf is this

moRONic: why is nott here

books: community bonding

fryingpan: DRACO WE WANT TO SEE YOUR HAIR

books: ^

lionprince: his hair?

lionprince: what

fryingpan: oh harry youll love it <3

books: you’ll LOVE it

lionprince: malfoy theyre scaring me

fryingpan: ;)

lionprince: stop with the twitchy eye youre concerning me

fryingpan: ;)

NOTTagooddecision: pansys in dracos room 24/7 and now i have to deal with texts too

NOTTagooddecision: save me lord

snakeprince: I hate it.

lionprince: hate WHAT

fryingpan: no im sure you love it

lionprince: love WHAT

snakeprince: It’s awful. My hair and life are ruined.

lionprince: WHY

snakeprince: Why do you care? It’s not YOUR hair that’s ruined.

lionprince: why would you change your hair

lionprince: your old hair was fine

snakeprince: Fine? FINE? My old hair was perfect!

lionprince: yeah

snakeprince: WHAT????? YEAH????? You’re not supposed to agree?!?!?!?!

snakeprince: jhgskfgkhgbcmbkjbxzkjBKJBAKJBJKHBDBKJBSKHBKb

lionprince: ok weve broke him

lionprince: granger help help

books: draco, calm down

books: i’m sure it looks fine

snakeprince: FINE kjdhfljdhflkjfdsjknfdlkjnlcvnlj;dkjhlkjd

books: no no it looks perfect it looks perfect

fryingpan: hes just being draco dont worry

fryingpan: i know he loves it

fryingpan: draco come out and be the queen you were always meant to be

snakeprince: I hate you.

fryingpan: in the same way that you “hate” your hair

Draco runs his fingers through his hair one more time, trying to arrange the strands into some semblance of presentability, and opens the door.

“I KNEW IT! I KNEW YOU WOULD LOOK HOT!” Pansy is basically squealing with joy, and wait, now she’s now jumping on his bed.

“Pansy get off of my bed now. Those sheets are worth more then your life.”

“Can’t put a price on me, Dray!”

“I’d PAY to get rid of you.”

Bloody hell, now he’s smiling. Draco doesn’t smile, he smirks, but he can feel the corners of his mouth lifting as Pansy catapults herself into him. “Oh, you love it! You must love your hair! I am a genius!”

Draco looks to Blaise for help, but Hermione cuts in. “She’s right, Draco. It looks perfect.”

“I’m right! I’m right I’m right I’m right I’m right!”

“Pans, why don’t you take off your foil. It’s been 35 minutes,” Blaise intervenes from where he’s leaning against Theo (on DRACO’S bed with the nice sheets). Pansy runs over to the mirror in the bathroom, almost tripping with her high heels. This Pansy is the Pansy that Draco loves most. She’s so unfiltered, so uniquely Pansy, and she’s not like this at school. Sure, she’s snarky and annoying, but she’s never this happy. Never this energetic. 

“Pansy, it’s so good,” Hermione confirms, and when Draco looks over he agrees. It definitely hasn’t lightened perfectly (her hair was just so dark) and it’s sort of splotchy and orange, but the line of bleach is so perfectly jagged, not soft at all. There’s a part where you can tell Hermione’s hand slipped, but it’s a clean mistake and somehow it makes it even better. Hermione touches Pansy’s arm, “Do you still want it green?”

“Yeah. I think so.”

So they dye her tips green.

(~acquaintances~, books, moRONic, lionprince, snakeprince, fryingpan, notyeet, NOTTagooddecision, 8:56am, 4/18/20)

lionprince: ???

fryingpan: potter you need to relax

moRONic: i hate to agree with her but its true mate

notyeet: his hair looks really good

books: ^

lionprince: why do you guys get to see it but i cant

snakeprince: I like them? They’re my friends?

lionprince: whatever

lionprince: i dont care

fryingpan: he looks so hot tho

notyeet: ^

books: ^

NOTTagooddecision: ^

lionprince: i hate all of you

snakeprince: Anything new?

moRONic: ok tbf im kinda interested now

moRONic: and i dont have a crush on malfoy

lionprince: I DONT EITHER

books: you can both see it tonight

lionprince: mioneeeeeee

moRONic: babeeeeeeee

books: see what i have to deal with

snakeprince: We have to deal with Pansy. Stop complaining.

books: fair fair

fryingpan: :(

lionprince: malfoy just send a picture

snakeprince: No.

fryingpan: potter i am so close to strangling you shut up

snakeprince: ^ (is me everyday with you, Pans)

books: fine

books: harry you can come over in an hour

moRONic: forever alone 

books: you too ron

NOTTagooddecision: granger its not your room

NOTTagooddecision: but ok

snakeprince: I strongly dislike you, Theo.

NOTTagooddecision: right back at you roomie :D

  
  
  


**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi people! i have some things to say:
> 
> 1\. ok i know my formatting sucks but i give up haha :(  
> 2\. i hope that the non texting stuff was ok (it was a STRUGGLE, let me know if it was awful or if you're fine with more in the future)  
> 3\. i tried to make it longer(?)  
> 4\. i LOVE pansy  
> 5\. PLEASE READ "LEAH ON THE OFFBEAT" it is sooooo good  
> 6\. ap tests can crawl in a hole and die they suck and they killed me this week (plsssss grant me a 5 ap gods)  
> 7\. ily all (i'm losing my mind if that isn't clear sjhsdjghjdsfkjbcxkj)


	9. Harry Has a Realization

~~~(chapter 9)~~~

(~we’re queer and we’re here~, ronaldduck, mione, boy, 9:25am, 4/18/2020)

ronaldduck: ok mione what is happening

ronaldduck: and harry wtf

ronaldduck: why are you suddenly obsessed with malfoy

mione: ron, he’s always been obsessed with draco

boy: im not obsessed im just observant

mione: whatever

ronaldduck: wait mione what did he do to his hair

ronaldduck: isnt he like super protective of it

mione: it was pansy

boy: why would you let parkinson do that??????

boy: why didnt you help him

boy: is it bad??? 

mione: ok something is off, ron’s right

ronaldduck: what? i am?

ronaldduck: screenshot!!!

mione: seriously harry what’s happening

mione: you know we were only teasing you about liking him

boy: what

mione: we didn’t mean to make you feel uncomfortable

ronaldduck: we???

ronaldduck: this is only YOU

mione: actually, you’re right, i should take responsibility

ronaldduck: IM RIGHT TWICE IN ONE MINUTE THATS A RECORD

boy: why are we talking about this

mione: i just want you to know that we support you

mione: like seriously, i will always love and support you harry

ronaldduck: same mate

boy: thanks?

mione: pansy might be a bad influence

mione: i’m sorry for everything

ronaldduck: ok please stop apologizing

ronaldduck: its disconcerting coming from you

mione: ok well i’ll send you pictures of draco to make up for it

boy: YES

ronaldduck: this getting to be ridiculous

ronaldduck: mione i think you and parkinson broke him

mione: ok the group chat may have not been the best idea

mione sent (1308.png) to ~we’re queer and we’re here~

ronaldduck: bloody hell mione

ronaldduck: he actually looks good

mione: I KNOW

ronaldduck: his hair is purple and he looks GOOD

mione: I KNOW

ronaldduck: i hate parkinson but i have to admit this was a success

mione: she wants it darker but i wouldn’t change anything

ronaldduck: how does he manage to be so awful and look so good

mione: ron, he’s actually not awful anymore

ronaldduck: yeah yeah whatever

mione: harry?

ronaldduck: have anything to add?

mione: … 

(harry -> hermione, 9:35am, 4/18/2020)

harry: mione?

hermione: yes?

harry: i cant come over to malfoys room

harry: can you tell them

hermione: of course

harry: mione you’re the best

hermione: tell me something i don’t already know

hermione: oh wait, i may have given you an impossible task

harry: you really have been spending too much time with parkinson

hermione: probably

hermione: and harry? if you don’t want to talk about it that’s totally fine

hermione: but why can’t you come over

harry: im bi

hermione: elaborate?

harry: IM BISEXUAL

harry: I LIKE BOYS HERMIONE

hermione: ok so i know that it’s dismissive and condescending when somebody says “i knew it” when you come out

hermione: but i literally knew it

hermione: because you told me 5 years ago and remind me weekly

harry: did you hear that

hermione: no?

harry: yep thats the sound of nobody laughing

hermione: ok i’m confused… why can’t you come over

harry: I LIKE BOYS

harry: BOYS WILL BE IN YOUR ROOM

hermione: ok so by boys we secretly mean draco

hermione: really inconspicuous codeword harry

harry: hermione

hermione: yes?

harry: i like him

hermione: was it the picture

harry: HE LOOKS SO HOT WTF

hermione: yep

harry: WHY IS HE SO PERFECT

hermione: i don’t know, harry

harry: i need to transfer schools

hermione: ok this took a severe turn

harry: i cant look at him again

harry: I WILL LITERALLY DIE MIONE

hermione: please calm down

hermione: with these dramatics i would say you two are perfect for eachother

harry: mione please help me

hermione: ok i have 2 plans

harry: yes yes yes

hermione: plan A: just talk to him / ask him out

harry: ahahahahhahahahahahahah NO

hermione: plan B: assume an alternate identity and flee to america under an alias

harry: plan b plan b plan b

hermione: you don’t have to come over now, but i really think you need to tonight

harry: NO

hermione: i love you harry, but you can’t run from your problems

harry: its worked for me thus far

hermione: it’s only worked because you’ve had me to clean everything up

harry: and i still have you wheres the issue come up

hermione: are you, HARRY BLOODY POTTER, scared of DRACO

harry: yes very much so

hermione: he’s still just draco

harry: he’s HOT DRACO WITH PURPLE HAIR   
hermione: you are impossible

hermione: just please come tonight

harry: you need to protect me

hermione: from scary draco?

harry: HAVE YOU BEEN FOLLOWING THIS CONVERSATION AT ALL

harry: YES   
hermione: i swear harry, you were normal just last week

harry: dont swear mione

hermione: *deep breathing*

harry: what deep anecdotes do your breaths have to share

hermione: i’m leaving

hermione: you better be there tonight

harry: wait mione

hermione: yes?

harry: dont tell ron

hermione: what?

harry: i know youre dating

harry: but he hates malfoy so

hermione: if you don’t want me to tell him, of course i’ll respect that

hermione: but he really does love you

hermione: he’ll get over it

harry: i know

harry: thanks

hermione: of course

hermione: and harry don’t forget blankets for the sleepover

harry: bloody hell i forgot about the sleepover

harry: mione i literally cant sleep in the same room as him

hermione: i believe in you

harry: shut up

hermione: you already agreed to hang out with him on sunday

harry: i never told you that?

hermione: again, i know about most things

harry: i can cancel our plans im having a CRISIS here

hermione: just come to the party and the sleepover

hermione: ill tell everyone youre not coming over now

harry: FINE kjhsjlhljdbjbj

hermione: we’ll have fun and play games

harry: by “fun” you mean read

harry: and by “play games” you mean you and malfoy will win everything

hermione: …

Hermione looks up from her phone to see the others staring at her. The tips of Pansy’s hair are a dark green (to be honest, the difference between her black hair and the green is sort of muddled with the saturated dye), but it works for her. Maybe not as well as it works for Draco, but it still works. If Draco’s pastel waves soften his sharp appearance, Pansy’s hair does the opposite. Her hair screams Pansy, sharp and jagged and messy, and Hermione thinks that it works perfectly.

“Who are you texting?” Blaise asks.

She can’t explain to Blaise that Harry has just had a gay crisis over his “rival” (she still thinks calling Draco a “rival” is moronic) and she certainly can’t explain it to Draco, no matter how much she wants to. 

Hermione has always struggled with keeping her mouth shut. That’s not to say that she’s not trustworthy, because she would never betray someone else's trust, especially the trust of someone that she cares about. No, the issue is that she likes solving problems. Even when they’re not hers to solve. She’s been protesting the lack of media transparency for years, even though she knows it’s irrational to think that she can solve it alone, so when she sees a problem she CAN fix, it’s hard to restrain herself. Harry has a problem. Draco is the solution. Why does this have to be so hard?

“Harry was texting me. He says that he can’t come over. He’ll be here tonight.”

“Why can’t he come over?” Pansy flashes her a knowing smile, and Hermione glares back. She WILL NOT tell Pansy. Pansy really has started to corrupt her, and Hermione has always considered herself morally sound. Admittedly, she has her faults, but she's never been the person to give in to social pressures (not that Pansy is a social pressure, exactly, but she’s definitely a force to consider).

“Pansy, it’s rude to intrude,” Blaise cuts in, and she wants to hug him.

Standing up, Theo stretches his arms over his head and turns to them. “I don’t know about any of you, but I’m getting breakfast.”

“I’ll come with you. You never get what I want,” Draco says.

“You always ask for the most pretentious things, Draco! We go to a boarding school, not some fine dining establishment.”

“Last time I asked for cereal, Theo. I’m perfectly reasonable.”

“You asked for Fruity Pebbles, but said that you only wanted the green ones. I wasn’t about to sit there and pick them out for you.”

“And I learned that you can never trust your inferiors to get the job done. I can only rely on myself. Get up Theo, we’re leaving.” 

Draco pulls up the hood on his hoodie so it covers his hair and slips on a pair of obnoxious sunglasses as Theo scrambles around the room for his shoes. Hermione can’t help but ask Draco about his attire, so she does. “Why are you wearing sunglasses to school breakfast when it’s completely indoors?”

He waves his hand dismissively and she thinks that he rolls his eyes (the sunglasses make it hard to tell). “I can’t be seen looking this tragic. You can’t imagine the damage a hoodie alone could do to the social image I’ve created.”

“No. I really can’t.”

Pansy flops down onto Draco’s bed the second he’s left the room, and Blaise sits down next to her. “So, darling, now that Dray is gone, let’s discuss Potter.”

“I can’t. He’s my best friend, Pans.”

“I’m sure you can. You just need a little convincing.”

“No. We can discuss our sleepover and party plans, though.”

“WE NEED TO PLAY TRUTH OR DARE!” Pansy exclaims, bouncing on the bed a little.

“No,” Blaise nudges Pansy and eyes her in what must be a meaningful way. “No Truth or Dare.”

“Please? I’ll love you forever, Blaisie!”

Making eye-contact with Hermione, Blaise frantically shakes his head. “Hermione, you do NOT want to play Truth or Dare with Pansy. Draco and I agreed once sophomore year and it was horrible enough to remember.”

Oh, right. Curiosity is another one of her flaws. She knows that it’s an awful idea, Pansy really is devilish, but she can’t help but wonder what Truth or Dare with Pansy would be like. Harry needs a little push out of his comfort zone anyway, so she supposes that it’s a win-win situation.

“Sure. I’ll do Truth or Dare. You’re never going to convince Draco or Harry though.”

Pansy smirks again, and Hermione isn’t afraid to admit that it’s a bit off putting. “Don’t worry about Dray. I’ll convince him. You just convince Harry.”

**A few minutes later, Draco and Theo still aren’t back and Pansy, Hermione, and Blaise are laying on Draco’s bed.**

(pansy -> draco, 10:02am, 4/18/2020)

pansy: dray

draco: co

draco: What do you want?

pansy: you to improve your personality

pansy: no but really if you could grab a muffin for me that would be great

draco: Whatever.

pansy: chocolate chip please

pansy: and youre playing truth or dare with us at the party

draco: No. I remember sophomore year.

pansy: ive matured! promise

draco: Your “promise” has no validity as a confirmation.

draco: You’re the annoying girl who cried “promise”.

pansy: i resent that comment

draco: Good for you. I resent my life.

pansy: if we play we can gang up on blaise and itll be nostalgic

draco: Nostalgia is overrated.

pansy: i beg of you good lord

draco: Hmm. Better, but not sufficient. 

pansy: if you agree to play ill call you m’lord for a full day

draco: Make that a week and you have a deal.

pansy: fine

draco: Fine, who?

pansy: fine m’lord

(hermione -> harry, 10:04am, 4/18/2020)

hermione: so harry we’re playing truth or dare at the party

harry: NO

harry: hermione i just told you i liked malfoy and you suggest TRUTH OR DARE

harry: what if someone asks who i like or something

hermione: just ask for dare every time

harry: WHAT IF IM DARED TO KISS HIM

hermione: then all of your fantasies come true and you kiss him

harry: I CANT

hermione: you can

harry: what if he doesnt want to kiss me

hermione: he will

hermione: but if he doesn’t it’ll be fine

harry: he HATES me

hermione: please calm down harry

hermione: if you’re dared to kiss him it’ll be the same as with anyone else

harry: but I LIKE HIM

hermione: nobody knows that

hermione: just pretend like you don’t like him and it’ll be a normal dare

harry: if i have to kiss him I WILL SPONTANEOUSLY COMBUST

hermione: if you actually spontaneously combust you’ll have a winning science fair thesis

hermione: thesis: “do looks kill? yes” 

harry: you can get rid of a crush right mione

hermione: what?

harry: like scientifically if you deny it enough it goes away right

hermione: sure harry

harry: malfoy isnt actually that attractive right

hermione: nope he’s pretty hot

harry: YOURE NOT HELPING

hermione: i can’t lie to you, harry

harry: why do i always like the attractive ones

hermione: um because you’re *attracted* to them?

harry: WHATEVER

hermione: so you’ll play truth or dare with us?

harry: FINE ill play your stupid dare game

hermione: thanks :)

harry: :( 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! thanks for reading <3 i love you all :D
> 
> i wanted to make this chapter longer (i have so many ideas ahhhhh and they're getting a bit convoluted lolll) but i didn't have enough time (and i needed to watch a 7 hour livestream because i have no dignity or self-control) so sorry about that D:
> 
> if you have any ideas or suggestions, I LOVE COMMENTS AND ESPECIALLY SUGGESTIONS!!!
> 
> also, i didnt edit this chapter at all (again, time management is such a struggle) so sorry if there's any errors or confusion


	10. The Party (Part 1)

~~~(chapter 10)~~~

Harry leans against the door to Malfoy’s room. Ron is late as always, and there’s no way that he’s going in without his best friend. 

Sure, Hermione’s already in, but Hermione actually LIKES Malfoy and his friends. And fine, he likes Malfoy too, but that’s not really the point anyway. The point is that Malfoy and his friends seem to like Mione back (of course they do, she’s amazing) and Harry knows that them liking him back is impossible. 

Dean and Seamus both said that they would come, but they’re not here either. He’s alone. Well, not technically alone, but metaphorically alone. He doesn’t exactly know the sort of metaphor that would make him metaphorically alone (that’s Hermione’s department) but there’s definitely some sort of invisible wall between him and Malfoy’s posse. Hermione would definitely scold him for calling them a posse, but who cares.

Ron still isn’t here. Bloody hell, is this what Harry’s come to? Being scared of Malfoy must be a bit pathetic, he concedes, and Harry is anything but pathetic. He would say that he has the bravery to walk in and confront them, but honestly even that sounds pathetic. If he really is brave he wouldn’t think bravery means walking into a party you were invited to.

He sighs and knocks on the door, instantly regretting everything about his life. When the door swings open (with so much enthusiasm he should be glad he’s not hurt) he’s greeted with the smiling face of the devil.

“Um, Parkinson? Hi?”

She claps her hands excitedly and ushers him into the room. “Call me Pansy, darling.”

If Harry didn’t want to bolt out of the room before, he surely does now. Parkinson (Pansy just doesn’t sit right with him) is acting strange and Hermione is smiling nervously. Mione doesn’t get nervous, and her expression is off putting.

“Um, okay, Pansy?” He says tentatively. He’ll still call her Parkinson in his mind, but it’s better not to cross the devil. Ugh, why is he acting like this? He’s not scared of Parkinson of all people, so why is he so jittery now? He wishes he could take his words back, because Parkinson doesn’t deserve to be dignified with her first name. Especially not by Harry. They’re not friends. Not even close.

He breathes a silent sigh of relief when Parkinson responds, “So Potter, come this way.” So she’s still calling him Potter. He’s not complaining, of course. His name would sound so wrong coming out of her mouth, and it’s sort of calming to know that they’re on the same page about the whole friend thing.

Parkinson leads him over to where Mione, Zabini, and Nott are sitting on the floor and rather forcefully shoves him to sit next to Hermione. “Okay give me a few minutes. I’ll get Draco.” Harry looks at Mione while making his eyes as wide as he can, in a way that he hopes is meaningful.

When Mione stares back it’s more of a look of concern then understanding, which is further clarified when Parkinson taps his shoulder and asks innocently, “Potter? Is that hideous face you’re making intentional or have you simply realized that trying to appear presentable with your looks is futile?” 

Frowning (threateningly, he must add), he gives her his death glare. But because life hates him (what’s new), she bursts out laughing. “Oh, Granger, it all makes sense now! I was wondering why someone of your intelligence would keep him around, but it’s clearly for entertainment! What fun!”

Although a light pink blush tinges Hermione’s cheeks from the compliment, she steps up to defend him. “Pansy, just go get Draco. And Harry, she’s just insecure, don’t listen to her.” Parkinson opens her mouth in protest, but Zabini (the unexpected hero) stands up and pushes her out the door in an act of what Harry considers vigilante justice.

“Where’s Malfoy?”

Zabini sighs. “He’s in Gregory’s room. He said he needed to take a break from Pansy.”

Laughing, Nott adds, “It was actually so funny, Potter. She kept taking pictures of him and threatening to send them to you! It was-” He’s cut off when Zabini claps a hand over his mouth. 

“Wait, why send them to me?”

Zabini waits a second before responding, glancing quickly over at Hermione who shakes her head. “Potter, if you got your hands on pictures of Malfoy who knows what you’d do with that kind of power. You do hate him, right?.” Something about the way Zabini speaks tells Harry that he isn’t convinced.

“Um, yeah. Something like that.”

Luckily, before Zabini or Nott say anything, Parkinson bursts back into the room dragging Malfoy behind her.

“I swear to bloody god Pans, let me go.” Malfoy moves to shove her, but freezes when he sees Harry. 

His hair is purple, but not a deep purple, just tinged with pastel lilac, and it’s just a bit wavy and it looks so soft, and more than anything he wants to run his fingers through it. His nose and jaw and eyes are still as sharp and jagged as always, but the gentle waves framing his face give him a soft filter, and he looks so REAL. His eyes are wide and they’re a pale icy blue but somehow even his gaze seems softer.

Well, it seems soft until he rips his arm away from Parkinson and glares at Harry.

“Hi,” Harry says. Ugh, why did he say that? They’re NOT friends. And seriously, did he just say hi of all greetings? He must sound pathetic. Like a child. Only one word, and he’s already ready to run away.

“Hello,” Malfoy says, and although his voice is tinged with suspicion, relief washes over Harry and he takes a breath. But wait, Malfoy said hello, not hi. Harry must look like an idiot! Why couldn't he have said hello? Why did he have to say hi?

Ugh. Just one week ago Harry was swearing in Malfoy’s face and shoving him, and one single realization turns him into this mess. It’s still the same awful Malfoy, he reminds himself. But when Malfoy sits down RIGHT NEXT TO HIM he can’t help but want to die. The world hates him. Confirmed. 

Just the littlest part of Malfoy’s hoodie (he’s actually wearing a hoodie?) is brushing against Harry and he feels dizzy. He scooches a few inches away from Malfoy and towards Hermione, and Malfoy glares at him. It’s so frustrating because even Malfoy’s glares (which he KNOWS are awful, he’s hated them for years) send butterflies into his stomach. 

Deep breaths. Stop caring about what Malfoy thinks. This crush is completely irrational and it means nothing. He’s still the boy who punched you. STOP thinking about him.

Harry glares back at Malfoy and rolls his eyes. “Angry I moved away from you, Malfoy?”

“Of course not.”

“So glaring is just your go to expression? Or is it a special thing you only do for me?”

Malfoy looks away and Harry internally congratulates himself. When he gets a text, he opens up his phone to see that it’s Mione.

(hermione -> harry, 5:07pm, 4/18/2020)

hermione: what are you doing

harry: what

hermione: if you want him to like you try being NICE   
harry: im not going to be NICE to MALFOY

harry: mione that goes against all of my morals

hermione: i don’t understand you harry

harry: join the club

hermione: if you like him why aren’t you nice?

harry: it just feels wrong

hermione: fine

hermione: do you know where ron is?

Before he can answer, Parkinson snatches his phone and flounces down on the other side of Malfoy. “Hmm… Let’s see what the golden trio talks about…I wonder if they talk about us,” she smirks.

Malfoy leans over to look too and Harry makes what must be the worst decision of his life. He leaps (valliently and elegantly, of course) on top of Malfoy and shoves him down into Parkinson, ripping his phone out of her hands. He hears Zabini and Nott laughing in the background and hears a giggle come from Hermione.

“OUCH! Dray, get off of me!” Parkinson shrieks.

“Bloody hell, Potter! MOVE!” Malfoy yells.

Harry knows he needs to scooch back over to his own spot (he has his phone back anyways) but he’s impulsive and self-destructive, so before he moves he runs his fingers through Malfoy’s lilac waves.

Immediately, Malfoy straightens up (he’s actually tall, Harry notices) and looks over at Harry. “What did you just do?”

Oh god. He looks to Hermione for an answer (she always has one) but she, Zabini, and Nott are just staring at him.

“What?” he asks dumbly.

“Did you just touch my hair?” Malfoy tugs on one of his lilac strands in emphasis.

Parkinson bursts out laughing to his left, but one glare from Malfoy gets her silent.

“It’s purple.”

“Ever so observant, Potter. My hair is purple. Feel free to touch it like I’m an exhibit.”

“It’s soft.”

Malfoy rolls his eyes and turns away. That’s the end of the conversation.

Mione and Malfoy discuss something that Harry doesn’t understand for a while, and Zabini, Nott, and Parkinson are all entertained by some video Parkinson has on her phone, so he’s glad when he hears somebody knock on the door.

“I’ll get it!” Parkinson jumps up to get the door and Ron, Dean, and Seamus come in. 

“Mione!” Ron cheers and walks over to sit in between them. Dean and Seamus shuffle in as well and sit next to Nott.    


“Where’s the weaselette?” Parkinson settles down next to Malfoy again.

“As far away from you as I can get her.”

“Weasely, this is in the name of gender equality. Granger and I are the only two female representatives, and I feel alienated and alone.

“Pans, give up on the Weaselette. You’ve never actually spoken,” Blaise cuts in.

“Fine. I guess we’re all just stuck with the inferior Weasel.”

Mione motions for them all to be quiet. “Everyone, stop arguing. This is a time to BOND and lessen tension, NOT a time to fight. I thought that we could all start off by going around and saying our names and something interesting about us.”

“Granger, let’s just get started with the games. I know everyone’s name and this is boring. We didn’t come here to make friends,” Parkinson interrupts.

“Yes, yes we did. That’s the entire reason we’re all here. We’re here to celebrate Draco’s hair and make friends. I’ll start. My name is Hermione, and -”

Pansy is not having it. “No. We’re skipping the pleasantries. No offense, but I have absolutely no interest in Finnigan’s favorite color. Let’s start with Truth or Dare.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi! sorry for the shorter update :(
> 
> i love you all and i hope you're all doing well and staying safe!
> 
> as always, if you have any comments or suggestions, i love them (and you <3)


	11. The Party (Part 2) - Truth or Dare

~~~(chapter 11)~~~

This is fine. Totally fine. No issues at all. Fine.

Harry lifts his eyes off the floor and catches Malfoy’s. Steely gray eyes narrow threateningly, but Harry doesn’t look away and instead glares back. Hermione’s right, Malfoy is nothing to be scared of. He may have a perfect face and pretty hair, and Harry will admit his glare is practiced and his smirk is intimidating, and there’s a slight possibility that Malfoy is taller than him (just an inch, mind you) but he’s still confident he could take Malfoy in a fight. He’s sort of like an intimidating twig. An intimidating twig with beautiful flowers that Harry wants to smell.

Bloody hell, Harry hates himself. He definitely does NOT want to smell Malfoy. That’s ridiculous. And anyway, this is Truth or Dare, not battle to the death, so he supposes fighting and twigs aren’t really relevant. 

When Harry stops spacing out, he realizes Malfoy’s still glaring at him and he feels a light heat build in his cheeks. At this point, Harry is genuinely considering the benefits of yeeting (he’s at the point where cringy vocabulary is the least of his worries) himself out the window, because Malfoy seeing him blush may be the worst possible scenario imaginable. Luckily, Parkinson starts talking again (the first time he’s ever been thankful for Parkinson talking) and Malfoy pointedly turns away.

“I assume everyone knows the rules of Truth or Dare. Well, me and Granger-”

“Granger and I,” Malfoy interjects, and Harry wants nothing more than to wipe the smug grin off of his face. Before he can tell himself to stop, he’s already picturing himself kissing the grin away, and quickly proceeds to mentally throw up at his own hopelessness. He’s an idiot.

“Hermione and I,” Mione adds.

“As I was saying, me and Granger made some modifications,” Parkinson continues, and Harry’s almost glad she ignored Malfoy and Mione, because he doesn’t know if he could handle Parkinson accepting criticism. He needs some constants in his life, and as pitiful as it is, he’s glad he can always count on her to be stubborn. 

“The first modification is quite obvious. No lying under any circumstances.” She lets her gaze fall on Harry and then Malfoy before continuing. “If you lie, or if anybody else can prove that you lied, now or after the game, I will give your name over to the Mafia. I have connections.”

Zabini rolls his eyes. “I’m quivering in my boots.”

“The punishment should be forcing the liar to spend a day with only the company of Pans,” Malfoy shoots.

“Fine. The punishment can be decided later. Next, everybody has forfeits. If you don’t want to do a dare or a truth, you can choose to do the homework of the dare-giver for a week.”

Hermione cuts in, giving Parkinson a look that Harry can’t quite interpret. “Also, just to clarify the restraints and limits of these dares, they cannot be inappropriate or illegal. If it makes someone uncomfortable, they can just say so, and the dare will be called off.”

“Granger, we’re only young once. If someone feels uncomfortable, they can just use a forfeit.”

“Consent matters, Pansy. You’re right, we’re only young once, but part of what we need to consider is that we ARE young, and we’re not always the most responsible.”

“It IS consensual. Everyone is AGREEING to play the game, and you can always forfeit.”

Nott frowns. “It’s fine, Granger. It feels morally wrong to side with Pansy, but I’m fine with no limits on dares. We’re mostly all decent people, and we won’t be completely awful.” Harry’s slightly sceptical when he sees Parkinson’s grin, but he doesn’t say anything. It’s best not to cross her. 

Dean and Seamus nod in agreement, and Hermione concedes. “Fine. If anyone gets hurt, I will not take any responsibility.”

“Okay, if that’s settled I’ll start. I choose… Hmm… I’ll choose Draco. Darling, truth or dare?”

“Dare.” He says it with no hesitation, although Harry can see that his fists are clenched.

“Don’t worry, darling. We’ll start out easy. Hug everyone here.” 

Do not panic. Do not panic. This is only a hug. He’s just going to wrap his arms around Harry in a completely platonic way (bloody hell, when did he start considering his relationship with Malfoy platonic?) and that’ll be the end of it. He will not think about it and he DEFINITELY will not smell him. No. Definitely not.

“Hug is a very subjective word, and since you require no intent or specifications, I decide the context based definition of “hug”. I’ll start with you, Pansy,  _ darling _ ,” Malfoy drawls, leaning over to Parkinson. “In my family, death by strangulation is a valid interpretation of a hug.” 

Parkinson squirms away from him, laughing. “Dray, that’s not fair. Hug me and be grateful that’s all you have to do.”

He sighs and rolls his eyes, but he hugs her nevertheless, and continues around the circle before pausing in front of Ron. “You can’t be serious. I’m not hugging the weasel, Pans!”

“Okay. I’ll give you that essay on colonialism tomorrow. It’s due Monday.”

Without looking at her, Malfoy says, “I find the historical implications of colonialism fascinating. I’ve been researching the intersection with WW2 imperialism for months now, and I would never turn down an opportunity to establish my academic dominance.”

“An opportunity to establish YOUR academic dominance? No, this is an opportunity for you to establish MY academic dominance.”

Malfoy turns and hugs Ron (if it can even be called a hug) and shudders. “Ugh, I’m sure my IQ is already dropping.”

Harry’s mouth is open to defend Ron before he has time to think about it. Must be instinct, a part of being best friends for so long. “Your IQ is dropping? I’m pretty sure it’s impossible for IQ to be negative, but I suppose your mistake makes sense given that you’ve always seemed to struggle with math.”

Ron grins at him and gives Harry a high-five.

Hermione frowns at them. “Everybody, no arguing. That goes for you as well, Draco. We’re all trying to be civil.”

“Granger, you need to stop worrying. Hostility gives a party a bit of spice anyways,” Parkinson responds. “Okay, now hug Potter.”

Malfoy sighs and shifts towards Harry, and the split second before he moves forward is the most painful. He’s just close enough that Harry can see a soft blush (almost so soft it’s not even there) tinging his cheekbones, complementing his soft (he can confirm that it IS as soft as it looks) lilac waves. He’s never really loved the color gray, always thought it to be a bit bland, but Malfoy’s eyes are so beautiful he can’t look away. They’re almost iridescent, they’re such a pale blue-gray, but they convey such power and force that they almost resemble stormy ocean waves, gray but translucent where the light seeps through. His blond eyelashes are so long (why are they so long???) and Harry wants nothing more than to run his finger along them.

Before he can stare any longer, Malfoy quickly leans forward and wraps his arms around Harry’s torso, resting his head on Harry’s shoulder so lightly he’s not sure if he’s just imagining it. Just as he starts to feel the heat from where they’re pressed together grow, Malfoy pulls away and returns to his spot, avoiding Harry’s gaze.

Parkinson nudges Malfoy, “How was it, darling? You blush so adorably.”

“You don’t. Anyways, Thomas, truth or dare?”

“Dare.”

“I dare you to do all of my homework for the next week.”

“That’s not fair, Malfoy. I’m not doing that.”

“So you want to forfeit? Fine, as your forfeit you must do all my homework.”

Before Dean can open his mouth to protest, Pansy has her elbow in Malfoy’s side and speaks up. “Because some of us happen to be difficult people, I’ve decided to introduce a new modification. The dares can only be for tonight. You can do dares that last for longer, like drawing on someone’s hand, but the action is limited to now.”

“Whatever. I give up. The system is working against me. I can’t be expected to work within the restraints of corruption.”

Seamus nudges Dean. “I’ll just give you a dare. Write ‘Seamus is cool’ on your forehead.” 

When he tries to hand Dean a Sharpie, Dean groans miserably and passes it back. “You can just write it.” After Dean has been labeled, he looks at Hermione. “Truth or dare, Mione?”

“Truth.”

“If you weren’t dating Ron, who would you date out of us nine?”

Hermione closes her eyes and thinks for a second, but when they open she’s blushing. “I would date Pansy,” she says, covering her face with her hands before continuing. “I hate you, Dean.”

On one side of Harry, Ron looks absolutely horrified, but on the other, Malfoy is smirking. “I would have never thought you of all people would have such low uncultured standards… Oh wait, that’s right, you’re dating the weasel. Maybe not so much of a surprise after all.”

Ignoring Malfoy, Parkinson grins at Mione. “They always said you were a smart one, and I can say I agree!” She throws in an overexaggerated wink, and Harry can’t help but laugh. “Well, it’s your turn.”

“Oh, right. I choose Blaise. Truth or dare?” He answers with truth, and Hermione asks him to share something embarrassing about Malfoy.

“This is so idiotic. Everyone is conspiring against me,” Malfoy mutters, quietly enough that Harry’s the only one who catches it.

“Hmm. Embarrassing story about Draco? Um, when we were all about 14 he had a full on obsession with Potter. Like to the point where Pans and I were concerned about him. Imagine Draco’s fixation now, but like twice as intense. He had this notebook, and he wouldn’t let us see it, but one time Pansy and I stole it from him.”

“Shut up.” The soft blush on the tips Malfoy’s cheekbones has spread across his face, and it’s honestly so unfair how pretty he looks. Why does Malfoy get to look beautiful when he’s embarrassed when Harry just looks like a disaster? And obsession? Malfoy was obsessed with him?

Parkinson starts cackling in the corner and motions for Zabini to continue, even with Malfoy trying to strangle her.

“Okay, so this notebook he had been carrying around for months was filled with notes. About Potter. Like, it was so funny and over the top, and just so Draco. He had his exact schedule, what he was eating for lunch, any conversations or fights they had… Everything.”

Hardly able to control her laughs, Parkinson interjects, “That’s not even the best part! He had all these notes too. Like in the margins, he would write stuff like, ‘Potter looks tired today. He should be getting more sleep’ or ‘The coat Potter is wearing clashes horribly with his shoes’.” 

“Shut up.” Malfoy seems to be having a staring contest with the floor and his blush is only spreading further, and Harry has a strange urge to reach out and comfort him. In a way, the whole situation is kind of funny- until Hermione starts talking.

“That is absolutely perfect! Harry was the exact same way!” Harry wants to punch her. He was NOT obsessed with Malfoy. Admittedly, he may be a little obsessed now (but he looks so cute and he’s just so attractive so it’s not really fair to blame Harry, a poor victim of his beauty) but he wasn’t obsessed years ago. Surely not.

Ron continues off of Mione, and Harry wants to die, just a little. “He wouldn’t shut up about Malfoy, and he FOLLOWED him!”

“Because I thought he was planning something!” Harry exclaims.

“No, mate. Just last week you commented on his scarf. How could he be planning something with his scarf?”

At this point, Harry has no other option but to slap a hand over Ron’s mouth. “Zabini, just dare somebody.”

“Potter, truth or dare?”

Of course. Of bloody course.Harry is internally screaming. If he chooses truth, Zabini is definitely going to ask him something about Malfoy. And that can’t happen. But choosing dare is so dangerous, seeing as Parkinson and Zabini seem to be having some sort of conversation with their eyes.

“Dare.” He responds with so much confidence and force that he surprises himself, but he supposes that his tone needs to compensate for the embarrassment tinting his cheeks pink.

“Kiss Draco.”

Fuck. “NO NO NOT DOING THAT NOPE!” He looks at the window and imagines chucking himself out for the second time that night. Kissing Malfoy spells out inevitable doom, and he would rather it be death by pavement then death by a boy. Hermione would say death is overdramatic, but it’s Malfoy, even if he doesn’t literally die, he’s sure metaphorical death would be his destiny. He’s blushing just LOOKING at Malfoy, and at this point he’s not ruling spontaneous combustion off the table. But looking over at Malfoy, he reconsiders his options. It’s just that his lips look so soft and pink and perfect, and maybe dying is a fair price to feel them on his. 

When he manages to pull himself out of his thoughts, he sees that Malfoy is talking. “-not fair, this is Harry’s dare, why should it involve me? And-”

Hermione quickly intervenes, cutting off what looks to be the start of a rant. “Harry is going to kiss you, and everything will be fine. Maybe you hate Harry, that’s your own prerogative, but he’s not inherently evil, and he’s just a boy. You aren’t compromising your morals, and again, you’ll be fine.”

Malfoy frowns, but he doesn’t have a quick retort, so he just settles back into his seat. “Fine. Whatever.”

Harry moves so he’s directly facing the lilac haired boy, shifting infinitesimally closer. Again, he’s close enough to see the long blond eyelashes that shield the intensity of his stormy gray eyes. Close enough that just reaching forward an inch would land his fingers in the soft purple waves cascading into his face, pairing perfectly with the gentle blush. Because he’s self-destructive (what a surprise) he lets his gaze linger on Malfoy’s lips and his perfect cupid’s bow for just a second too long. 

“Hurry up and kiss me, Potter,” Malfoy mumbles, and even though it’s clear that the intention was to be anything but soft, it’s more of a whisper then a snark and it fills Harry with an unexplainable warmth.

He knows now is when he needs to lean in. He can’t keep sitting here, avoiding the inevitable and looking like a bloody idiot. He’s Harry Potter, and he’s not a coward.

The second their lips meet Harry can’t help but push his hands into gentle lilac curls. Sue him. Malfoy’s lips slot perfectly against his and their noses are just barely brushing and Harry swears that he can feel long eyelashes sweep across his cheeks. It’s beautiful (Malfoy is beautiful) and perfect (Malfoy is perfect) and Harry feels so happy, filled up with warmth that feels like a breath of unfiltered sunlight.

The second Harry starts to part his lips, Malfoy shoves him away. “I’m leaving,” he announces to no one in particular. And he does. He stands up, without a backward glance at Harry, grabs his sunglasses (of course), and walks out the door, leaving the rest of the room in a tense silence.

“Um, so that went well,” Parkinson notes, eyes wide.

Trying his best to shove Parkinson (and her snide remarks) from his mind, he stands up as well and looks at the rest of them. Seamus, Dean, and Ron are in complete shock (Ron really needs to close his mouth) and Hermione has the look on her face that she gets when she’s deep in thought. The two who know Malfoy the best, Zabini and Parkinson, are once again having a conversation through intense stares, and it’s Parkinson who’s the first to stand up after Harry.

“I’ll get Draco.” She turns to Harry, “Don’t worry darling, he’s just being a drama bitch.”

Harry has absolutely no idea what that means, or why Parkinson is being nice to him, but he interrupts her anyways. “Wait, I’ll go?”

He says it like a question and he must sound anything but confident, but Parkinson’s eyes widen and she holds her hands up. “Sure.”

He sort of hates Malfoy for this. Fine, the kiss mattered to Harry, but Malfoy doesn’t need to get upset about it. No matter how much it hurts Harry (yes, he’s dramatic, and again, sue him) it’s just a kiss to Malfoy, and there’s no need to leave. It was just a dare, and it really doesn’t mean anything. Honestly, Harry should be the upset one, not Malfoy. And it’s not like Harry is a horrible kisser or anything. Ginny never complained, so Malfoy couldn’t have left because he was disgusted, right? Right?

Still a bit worried, Harry leaves to go find Malfoy.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hi everyone! first off, i'm so sorry i didn't update last week, but there's been so much stuff going on in the world, and so many more important issues. i hope you're all staying safe <3
> 
> if it's possible for you to go to a protest (safely), donate, or sign petitions for BLM, please do so. we need change.
> 
> about the chapter... i think it may be too fast-paced(?) and once again it's unedited (so please be nice <3)
> 
> i absolutely love comments, and if you have any suggestions (or want to comment on the pacing, which is one of my concerns) pleaseee give them i will love you forever haha (honestly though, comments inspire me so much, so if you've commented, i genuinely appreciate you so much)
> 
> love you all :D


	12. The Party (Part 3) - Malfoy (Draco?)

~~(chapter 12)~~

Harry finds Malfoy (Draco?) out in the hallway. He’s sitting against the wall, his knees pulled up to his chest, his arms tugging his legs close. It’s sort of off-putting seeing him look so small, shrinking away from his typical intense confidence, and Harry almost turns around and walks back into the room, not wanting to face him. Hermione could deal with this better, and Harry wonders for what must be the 100th time why he volunteered to go. It’s not like he’s ever been good with Malfoy.

They’ve always fought, and it’s not like one kiss is going to erase an entire history of arguments, as much as Harry wishes it was possible. To be completely honest, Harry still isn’t completely sure why they’re still enemies (Hermione still says the word “enemies” is juvenile, but she also says “juvenile” describes their relationship perfectly). He can’t imagine not fighting with Malfoy (it almost seems inevitable), but now that he’s admitted his crush to himself, he sort of feels silly. A few arguments don’t define a relationship, right? And sure, Malfoy is a git, that’s not debatable, but now Harry’s struggling to remember why exactly he hated him so much. There’s no way that he actually thought Malfoy wearing a purple scarf was suspicious, right?

He looks back at Malfoy, and as the boy runs a hand through his soft waves (messing them up and framing his face with a gentle glow) Harry sits down beside him so he’s mirroring Malfoy’s position, their shoulders just barely touching.

Malfoy doesn’t even look up as he says, “Potter, I’m fine.”

“Okay,” he responds. “But suppose you weren’t. What would be the issue then?”

“I’m not going to humor you.”

Tilting his head towards Malfoy, Harry sighs and closes his eyes. “It was just a dare. It doesn’t have to mean anything.”

“Of course.” His voice is sharp but from the slight waver Harry thinks (hopes) that he doesn’t mean it.

“Um, Draco?” It’s taking a chance, he’s aware, but Hermione always calls Draco (?) by his first name, and anyways, it doesn’t mean anything (right?). It’s just a name. He supposes Hermione’s been right all along (nothing new). They’re not in elementary school anymore, and things have changed.

Draco’s eyes snap over to him. “What did you just call me?”

Feigning nonchalance, Harry manages to say, “That’s your name, right?”

“Potter-"

“Harry. My name is Harry.”

“I can’t.”

“Why don’t you like me?” He knows he needs to stop, but again, he’s self-destructive, and he’s never gotten this far with Draco (not like he’s ever really tried, he’s relied on his fists in the past).

When he knows he’s not going to get a response, he continues. “Yeah, sure, maybe we hated each other when we were younger. But we’re graduating this year, Draco, and it would be nice if we could maybe just… just… just be okay?”

“Whatever. If it aids your hero-complex, I suppose it would be wrong of me to deny you your perfect world. I hope your conscience is eased.”

“Stop being a git.”

“Stop being Harry bloody Potter. Now we both have impossible tasks. Happy?”

Okay, so this isn’t working. That’s fine. He’ll try something else. “I like your hair.” Draco just glares at him, but there’s a subtle blush high on his cheeks, so Harry pushes on. “It’s beautiful, Draco. And soft. It’s really soft.”

“These adjectives you seem so fond of are only relative. I’m certain anyone would find my hair heavenly if all they were accustomed to was yours.”

Ignoring him and reaching out for a curl, Harry says, “Can I touch it?”

“No!”

“You said it would be wrong of you to deny me my perfect world.”

“And my hair is what elevates life from miserable to perfect?” Draco responds, incredulous and eyebrows raised.

“Yes?”

“Potter, we’re not  _ friends _ ,” he drawls.

“But what if we were?” He doesn’t know why he’s pressing this, because Draco isn’t anything if not stubborn, but it suddenly feels so important that they don’t end the year as rivals. Maybe it’s his recently discovered attraction, but maybe it’s something more. 

He’s probably being crazy, but he sort of doesn’t hate Parkinson (Pansy?) and Zabini (Blaise?) quite as much as he used to. Sure, Pansy (honestly, if he’s calling Draco Draco now he ought to go all out) is chaotic and sort of awful, and he’s still vaguely scared of her, but she’s also witty, smart, and entertaining and her authenticity is admirable. Honestly, he can’t remember why he ever disliked Blaise (probably enemies by association, or some dumb thing little Harry came up with), but Blaise is funny in a quiet sort-of-dead way, and Harry wouldn’t mind getting to know him better. Bloody Mione and her group chat have Harry reconsidering everything he knows about the three of them, and he rather enjoys it.

He decides to voice his opinions to Draco, who’s currently pouting (adorably, if he may add) next to him. “I sort of like Pansy and Blaise too.”

“That makes one of us.”

“Fine. You hate me, Pansy, and Blaise. You win.”

“The balance of the universe has been restored.”

“Shut up.”

“That’s no way to treat your maybe-friend.” Although Draco’s still talking in that vaguely condescending way, Harry feels a spark of something similar to hope burst in his stomach. 

“My maybe-friend?”

Draco rolls his eyes. “Yes, Potter, keep up.”

“If we’re going to be maybe-friends you need to start calling me Harry.”

“Fine, Potter.” 

“Harry.”

“Fine, Harry.”

He knows he’s won when he sees a faint smile cross Draco’s face, so he decides to keep pushing his luck. “You know, it’s normal for maybe-friends to touch each other's hair.”

“Nothing about you is normal. Why start now?”

“Please?” And he’s been reduced to begging. Great. His 12-year-old self is probably dying. It IS rather pathetic, but maybe touching Draco’s soft lilac waves is worth begging. Maybe. 

“No.”

“Please?” He hates himself. 

“You’re certifiable.”

“I  _ am _ a certified life-gaurd.” He definitely hates himself.

It’s all worth it when (after sighing) Draco wraps his long elegant fingers around Harry’s wrist and moves it to his hair. “Go ahead.”

Pushing himself up on his knees so he’s above Draco and has a wonderful view filled with pretty purple, he softly shakes the fingers off and runs his hand through Draco’s hair. It’s just as soft as Harry remembers, just as beautiful and fluffy and perfect, and Harry gently parts his way through seas of lilac waves. As he gently cards through light purple hair, he imagines that he’s not Harry and the boy below him isn’t Draco, because moments like these come as easy as breathing. Maybe there’s some other universe where this happens everyday, a universe where he doesn’t have to hold his breath if he doesn’t want to scare Draco.

Surprised Draco hasn’t pulled away, he looks down and sees that his eyes have fallen closed and his face is peaceful. He’s not exactly smiling, but he’s definitely not frowning so Harry counts it as a success.

Harry starts to pull his hand away, but Draco pushes his head up against his fingers, sending them tumbling back into lilac waves, so he just sits there carding his hands though feather-soft hair. 

“Draco?” The second the word escapes his mouth he regrets it, feeling Draco tense up under his fingers.

“Get your bloody fingers out of my hair, Potter.” So it’s Potter again. Great. Just perfect.

“It’s Harry,” he says lamely.

He must look rather pathetic because Draco’s eyes soften (almost imperceptibly) and he says, “Get your bloody fingers out of my hair, Harry.”

By the time he draws his hands back into his lap, Draco has already gone back to the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> sorry that it's a bit shorter then usual... also yayyyy they're maybe-friends <333
> 
> i love you all and thanks for reading :D


	13. Hermione's Intervention

~~~(chapter 13)~~~

When Draco and Harry return back to the room, Hermione can tell that something is off. First off, they don’t come back together. Maybe that’s to be expected, considering it  _ is _ Draco and Harry, but there’s something more, a subtle tension that hovers in the air as the boys pointedly don’t make eye-contact, or a stillness that she hasn’t seen before in either of them. Hermione doesn’t bother nudging Ron, she knows there’s no way he’s noticed (she loves him, but he hasn’t always been the most emotionally aware), but she does touch Harry’s arm as he moves to sit.

Honestly, she probably shouldn’t mention anything, regardless of her love for her best-friends. It's none of her business, really, but Harry looks so confused and she knows that nothing will happen if she doesn’t say something. She’s always been outspoken, and she can’t help but want to solve his problems when it’s so clear that he’s in need of a solution.

Harry looks over at her, his eyebrows still drawn together and creasing his forehead, and she tilts her head just slightly. He seems to understand what she’s asking, because he responds with a soft smile and whispers, “I’m fine. I’ll tell you later.”

Fighting the urge to roll her eyes, she nods and looks away. She’ll support him, and if he doesn’t want to elaborate right now, she won’t make him.

“Well, well, well, the boys have decided to grace us with their presence.” 

“Consider yourself graced, Parkinson,” Draco draws, and she notes that he’s still not looking at Harry.

“Back to last names, darling? We’ve been friends for years, no need for formality.”

“Now, now, Parkinson. I can’t have my disciples get too comfortable with our arrangement, it only leads to complacency, and I’ve noticed you growing complacent.”

Rolling her eyes, Pansy bows with exaggeration. “My apologies, m’lord, may I offer a sacrifice in return for our continued correspondence?”

Before Pansy can pull out a knife or anything of the sort (Hermione has learned not to discount Pansy’s dedication to sacrifice), Hermione interrupts, “Not that the matters of sacrifice aren’t fascinating, but why don’t we continue our game?”

The rest of them nod in agreement, and Blaise is the one to speak up. “It’s Potter’s turn?”

“Um, Theo? Truth or dare?”

“Mate-” Hermione grabs Ron’s hand to cut him off and raises her eyebrows meaningfully (or not meaningfully, Ron’s never been the best with subtlety) when he looks at her with a confused look. Even if the use of Theo’s first name has nothing to do with the time Harry spent with Draco (which she’s confident it does) she can’t have Ron destroying all the progress they’ve made to bond this year. For a second she almost wishes Ron was interested in Pansy because her community building goals has certainly become easier with Harry’s crush.

A sharp voice brings Hermione out of her thoughts. “Who the bloody hell is Theo?  _ Our  _ Theo?” Pansy says.

“Um, well, you asked me to call you Pansy? And, um, I thought it might be nice to, um, call everyone by their first names?”

Hermione notices how Harry just barely catches himself from looking at Draco as he finishes. It’s clear that Harry’s nervous, although she’s not entirely sure why, and his obvious squirming isn't lost on her. She lets her gaze fall on Draco, trying to see if there’s anything that she could have missed. Nothing seems to be ary, his pointy features schooled into a look of contempt that Hermione is certain must be practiced. Then, she notices his hair. Instead of it’s usual gentle waves (“artfully disorganized” as he’s labeled it), it sticks up a bit at the top. It’s barely noticeable and on anyone else Hermione wouldn’t give it a second glance, but it’s Draco, and she knows he would have a conniption if given a mirror. Maybe it’s nothing, but it’s certainly interesting.

“Draco, one of my closest friends, refuses to call me by my first name, but  _ you _ will? What has the wo-”

Theo interrupts her, “It’s fine, Pans. I don’t really know Harry, if I’m being completely honest, and I really don’t care what he calls me.” Before Pansy can open her mouth to protest, Theo looks over at Harry. “Dare.”

The game continues on for a while, with Hermione paying careful attention to both Draco and Harry and learning close to nothing about what might be going on. She speculates that  _ something _ must have happened, because Harry still isn’t looking at Draco (and he ALWAYS is looking at Draco), but she doesn’t think that whatever it is is bad, because Draco isn’t glaring at Harry (and he ALWAYS is glaring at Harry).

Eventually, they all get bored of Truth or Dare and end up splayed across the carpeted floor, playing cards. It’s getting late, and Hermione decides that she’s had enough of being curious about Harry.

“I’m sorry, I just realized that I forgot my toothbrush! I’ll be right back. Harry, Ron, want to come with?”

Pansy nods her approval, not taking her eyes off of Draco (who’s currently winning, closely trailed by Hermione and then Blaise), and Hermione stands up, grabbing her friends and dragging them out. Hermione’s so close to beating Draco, only a few chips behind, and her more competitive side is screaming to go back, but the curious part of her keeps her moving out into the hall. 

Harry and Ron start off towards her room, but Hermione calls them back. “I didn’t actually forget my toothbrush, I just wanted to talk for a bit.” When they both stare back at her uncomprehendingly, she sighs and continues. “About Draco.”

“Yeah, Harry. What’s with you and Malfoy?”

Before answering, Harry looks frantically at Hermione, and she remembers that Ron still doesn’t know about Harry’s crush. How, she has no idea, because it seems like it would be fairly obvious to anyone with eyes, but it’s Ron and she knows not to always include him in her generalization of “anyone”. 

“Um, I maybe possibly sort of like him?” Harry whispers uncertainty.

She can’t help but raise her eyebrows. “Maybe possibly sort of?”

“Fine. I like Draco.”

Ron blinks at him. “Wait, sorry, wasn’t that already established? Haven’t me and Mione-”

“Mione and I.”

“Haven’t Mione and I been teasing you for the past month about it?” Hmm. Maybe Ron IS more observant then she gives him credit for.

“Shut up,” Harry mumbles.

Hermione ignores their bickering and continues. “Anyways, now that’s been covered, what exactly happened in the hallway, Harry?”

“Nothing!” 

“Definitely not nothing, mate, unless nothing means leaving blushing and nervous and avoiding Malfoy like your life depends upon it.” With another decent deduction from Ron (to be fair, the bar is pretty low considering his history), Hermione is close to questioning everything she knows about her boyfriend.

“It really didn’t mean anything,” Harry tries to convince them.

“WHAT really didn’t mean anything?” Ron asks, and at this point, she’s close to kissing him, because he’s catching everything and almost seems to be as curious as she does.

“Um, well, I called him Draco and he said not to but then he said fine and that we were maybe-friends and then I asked to touch his hair and he said yes?” Harry rambles.

He’s blushing now, and it’s sort of adorable. Honestly, all of it seems like a 5th grade romance but it’s so cute and Harry’s clearly so hopeful, so Hermione just laughs gently. “That’s wonderful, Harry.”

Ron’s eyes go comically wide, and he gawks at Hermione. “You’re not going to say anything about how they’re friends now? How your plan worked? Not even a single I-told-you-so?”

Rolling her eyes back at him, she says, “If it matters to you so much, I told you so.”

“That’s my Hermione!”

She decides that today’s not the day to lecture Ron about the casual objectification of women that seems harmless (but is a manifestation of sexism and a microaggression to boot) and instead continues to question Harry. 

“Do you have any ideas for next steps with Draco?” Secretly, she hopes he says no because she’s thought of a few plans, but she doesn’t want to mention them before Harry has an opportunity to plan for himself.

“What? Next steps?”

“Mate! You’ve got to make a move! How do you think I snagged a girl like Mione? With  _ moves _ !”

It takes a serious amount of willpower to keep her mouth shut at that comment, but she manages to because this is about Harry, not Ron’s idiocy.

Harry stares at his friend with wide eyes. “Make a move? I don’t do that! I’m not some kind of-of-of Casanova!” 

“And neither is Ron, and he’s still managed to trap me in this impossible relationship. Oftentimes, people have temporary judgement failures in regards to romance, so if Ron has a girlfriend I’m certain you’ll be able to get a boyfriend.”

Luckily, Ron doesn’t seem to notice the not-so-subtle jab (he’s back to oblivious-Ron which is a relief because Hermione doesn’t know how much shock she can handle in a day), and he adds, “Yeah, mate, you’ll be fine. Just go up and say, ‘How’s about I take you downtown, and we’ll see what happens from there…’”

Harry looks horrified, and Hermione can’t blame him. “No. Do NOT do any of that.”

Looking mildly offended, Ron says, “But it worked on you?” 

“I don’t think Draco has the same aptitude for pitying.”

Once again, Ron misses the insult and just smiles at her. “I wouldn’t suppose so.”

“Mione! You have to help me! I’ve never done this before!”

“Don’t exaggerate, Harry. I love you, but you’re 18, and you dated Ginny for months.”

“Ginny was different!”

“How? Don’t play into gender narratives, Harry.” 

“She didn’t hate me! She wasn’t my enemy!”

“Firstly, you and Draco aren’t enemies! You just told us that he agreed to be your friend, and anyways, you both are more mature than a petty rivalry. Besides, if you think Malfoy is intimidating, so was Ginny! She dumped you on Valentine’s Day to get you back for forgetting her birthday 3 years in a row! You can completely handle Draco.”

“It’s just different, Mione!”

“Wait,” Ron cuts in, “Ginny dumped YOU?”

“Sophomore year? And she didn’t really dump me Mione, we just decided we were better as friends.”

Hermione knows that’s not true, but she supposes it’s better if Harry believes it. “Whatever you want to tell yourself. Anyways, can we get back to-”

Ron doesn’t let her finish. “Wait, Harry, maybe you should just give up on Malfoy and get back with Ginny? Parkinson’s scaring me.”

“Ron!” Hermione exclaims. “You can’t use Harry’s love life as a bargaining piece with Pansy!”

“Not a bargaining piece, more like damage control! Harry, help a mate out here! What if Parkinson becomes my,” Ron pauses to shudder, “sister-in-law?”

“Ron, love, you’re skipping a few steps there. Ginny’s mature enough to make responsible decisions, and I’m sure she won’t date Pansy unless it’s best for her. In regards to Harry’s problem, I would just tell him how you feel. Wait until we’re all gone, of course you don’t want Pansy there, and speak with him tomorrow when you planned to meet with him.”

“Do you not know of the art of subtlety, Mione? If Harry truly wants to woo his man, we need to reconsider the  _ moves _ !”

Ron seems so sincere, but Hermione truly doesn’t want this to crash and burn for Harry so she intervenes once more. “We really do need to be getting back, but Harry, I would just do what you feel is best. Trust yourself.”

With that, she turns back towards the door, pulling Ron with her. “If you need a minute, Harry, we’ll just say you were in the bathroom.”

After Ron gives Harry an exaggerated wink (and honestly she can’t complain, because she’s impressed Ron has been this supportive about  _ Draco _ , who he constantly claims he hates), he lets her pull him back into the room. 

As she assumed, Pansy pounces on her the second that they’re through the door. Sometimes, Pansy’s frighteningly clever, and even though her hardly passing grades wouldn’t suggest it, Hermione knows that she’s already seen through the lie of the trip to the hallway.

“Darlings, darlings, darlings! We missed you ever so much! Where’s our dear Harry?” She’s wearing a predatory smile, and it would be a bit off-putting if Hermione didn’t know her better.

“The bathroom. He told us he would meet us back in the room.” Hermione matches Pansy’s smirk.

“Oh, Granger, did you forget your toothbrush? I can’t see it and if I remember correctly that  _ was _ the reason you left, right?”

“When we got to the room I couldn’t find it, and I assumed that I really had brought it earlier.” Leaving Ron lying on the floor, she shuffles over and rummages through her overnight bag. “Oh, here it is!”

“The oh-so-organized Granger misplaces something! Sounds suspicious to me.”

Before Pansy can continue to needle Hermione about the toothbrush, Draco steps in to save her from where he’s laying (with his head in Pansy’s lap and feet poking a completely uninterested Blaise). “Pans, doesn’t it seem rather hypocritical to point out other peoples lies? Calling others out for blatant falsehoods is lovely, but think carefully before speaking because I have much to bring to the conversation as well.”

Dean, Seamus, and Blaise don’t so much as look up from their phones, but Theo says, “Draco, you’re no better than Pans. Don’t argue, I share a room with you and on occasion you sleep talk.”

As Pansy cackles (that’s really the best way to describe it, in Hermione’s opinion) Draco flushes a bright pink, but holds his chin up and declares, “I shan’t even dignify that with an answer.”

“Shant?” Pansy questions between laughs. “Are we in the 18th century, darling?”

Fortunately (or unfortunately, she supposes, as she would love a debate of grammatical history) Draco’s answer gets caught off when Harry opens the door and steps in.

“Potter!” Pansy exclaims.

“You can call me Harry. I’m going to call you Pansy, so it’s only fair.”

Part of her takes credit for Harry’s change in heart, but she’s still so proud of him for ditching the petty rivalry, especially knowing how stubborn Harry tends to be.

Wrinkling her small nose as she replies, Pansy says, “ _ Harry _ , darling, why don’t you share where you’ve been with the group? Grang-”

“Hermione. If you’re going to call him Harry, call me Hermione. And call Ron by his name as well.”

“You can’t expect me to call that she-devil Pansy, can you, Mione?” Ron looks mildly frightened at this point, but Hermione supposes that they’re already in too far to stop.

“In the case that Pansy does become your step-sister, I’m sure that calling her Pansy would be the least of your worries, so you might as well start now.”

Her words of wisdom don’t seem to be doing Ron any favors as his eyes widen even further, but he doesn’t argue with her.

Seamus speaks up, “Wait, Hermione, what about me and Dean?”

“I’m not going to ask anything of either of you, but it would be nice to at least attempt to mend some of the gaps in our grade, don’t you agree?”

They both nod, and Hermione feels herself start to smile. It won’t be hard to get Theo and Blaise to start using first names; even if they don’t explicitly agree she knows that they don’t mind either way.

“Anyways,  _ Hermione _ was saying that you went to the bathroom, and I suppose I shouldn’t judge, but you’ve been gone a while. Does it typically take you that long to relieve yourself?” As soon as she’s finished, Draco pinches her and she yelps (exaggeratedly, although that’s no surprise given it’s Draco and Pansy).

When Hermione hears Ron, Harry, Theo, Blaise, Seamus, and Dean laugh along with Draco, she can’t help but hope that just maybe things are starting to work out.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ok i'm actually a failure it's been weeks and i have no excuse. i apologize :( and i hope you can forgive me (? :D) i hope you like the chapter lolll
> 
> also, unrelated side note, for all of you people that got ap test results i love you and if you got a score you're happy with i'm so proud of you and if you didn't i still love you so much and that score doesn't define you! please be nice to yourselves :D <333

**Author's Note:**

> hi! i’m so excited for this fic! i love text fics so much and i’ve been wanting to make this for a while! i hope you all like it, and if you have any suggestions, comments give me life! love you all <3


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